If you are ever faced with a diagnosis like mine, my advice to you is to share the news. I first shared with my church family and I was covered with love. Then I shared with my Facebook friends and the feedback was immediate and so reassuring. Lastly, through my art newsletter, I shared the news with my art family. I am still receiving emails of support daily from collectors who have become friends over the years. A new collector who has been waiting about three years to purchase one of my paintings sent me this verse this morning.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Jesus Christ."
Phillipians 4:6,7
Well that just put a lump in my throat and brought tears to my eyes. How do people do this without God? I just can't imagine how it would be without the knowledge that my Lord is with me every step of the way. I would just feel vulnerable, unprotected and uncared for. I am so grateful to have Him and so filled with love for Him. It carries me through minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day. I go to sleep wrapped in His love and wake wrapped in His love. All day long there are little happenings that remind me that He's still there. How lucky am I? I know I'm not the exception. I'm just fortunate enough to have learned to see His hand in everything good that happens.
Painting and baking today. What could be better than that? I'm going to try my first UPS pickup for some paintings for the Austin gallery. This way I won't have to worry about driving to shipping location.
Not sure what I'm going to eat today. It's about time for my fo/cc smoothie. Then I think for lunch I'll have a baked red potato topped with sauteed onion, bell pepper, mushrooms and tomato. Probably a little leftover pico and avocado from last night along with it. For tonight, a large spinach salad with carrots, celery, orange pepper and I may treat myself to a boiled egg to go in it. Then I'll top it with my nut/seed/cranberry mix and a touch of vinaigrette.
Mel gave me a gift card to Whole Foods for Mother's Day and I bought some of the most delicious dark purple table grapes that's I'll have for a bedtime snack. That and maybe a couple of the chips with some almond butter on them.
Six days until surgery.
Precious Lord, I am so grateful for all of Your blessing. I thank You for the amazing art family you have honored me with, for their loving support and prayers. Please forgive my occasional whining and remind me how fortunate I am to have the best of care, physicians and surgeons whose hands you will guide. I glorify you in every step of this journey. Most of all, Lord, today please bless all those others out there waging war against this enemy that is working so hard to defeat them. Give them your strength and your healing to be the victors.
These things I pray in the name of my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.
Amen
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Day 35 Back to Normal
What an awesome day this is going to be. Now that all the testing is behind me, I feel relaxed and calm. Chipper is getting a bath, all the supplies are on the counter to make six dozen cuppies for Mel's Wedding Party. The yardman was here and the lawn is mowed, it's a little overcast and making me want an early healing nap. I'm going to finish two paintings for the gallery in Austin and get those ready to ship by the weekend.
Today's menu started with my coffee (Yay!) and 1/2 slice Ezekiel Bread with a little raw almond butter. Then I had the cottage cheese/flax oil smoothie. I'm craving more noodle soup since yesterday so I think lunch will be broth with carrots, celery, mushrooms, rice noodles and some finely sliced napa cabbage. Yum. That makes me hungry already. This afternoon I'll have fresh apple, celery, carrot and grape juice. I'm thinking that tonight I'll have nachos. I have gluten free chips that I'll put refried beans on, some sliced avocado and a fresh peach/mango salsa. In between there is my granola........sliced almonds, pepitas, sunflower seeds and dried cranberries...... if I get hungry.
I usually have no problem staying with my eating program unless I'm tired and don't have enough energy to cook. When I'm tired, my resolve disappears and I have several times given in to eat what I shouldn't. It sometimes isn't easy to eat this way. But, I don't want my body expending it's energy on digesting food that doesn't benefit my health when that energy could be spent on fighting the enemy. I want the fuel that I feed my body to be the highest propane possible.
I was thinking the other day that if someone walked up to any one of us and placed the keys to a Maserati in our hands and said, "Here, it's yours, free of charge. It's running perfectly and all you have to do is maintain it" we would be incredibly diligent in maintaining that priceless machine. We would probably polish it daily and use only the highest quality fuel to keep it at peak performance. Well, that's what God did when He gifted us with a precious body within which to house our soul. It is a truly miraculous machine, an amazing gift. Unfortunately, most of us take our healthy body for granted until a life threatening condition develops. But, knowing our weaknesses, God has encoded in that body such forgiving powers that as soon as we begin to care for our bodies properly, most of those conditions disappear. Even when the help of medical intervention is needed, we can still be a catalyst for the success of that intervention by the care we give our body.
Good Morning Father, Thank You so much for the gift of this precious body that You have given me. Please forgive me for not treating it in the past as the miraculous creation that it is. Thank You for the healing powers that you have placed within each of us. Help me and all those fighting this hated enemy to do whatever necessary to activate those healing powers. We're willing to do the work Lord. In return, please keep us in the palm of Your hand today. Let us be an example to others of what Your supernatural powers can do.
In Jesus' name.
Amen
Today's menu started with my coffee (Yay!) and 1/2 slice Ezekiel Bread with a little raw almond butter. Then I had the cottage cheese/flax oil smoothie. I'm craving more noodle soup since yesterday so I think lunch will be broth with carrots, celery, mushrooms, rice noodles and some finely sliced napa cabbage. Yum. That makes me hungry already. This afternoon I'll have fresh apple, celery, carrot and grape juice. I'm thinking that tonight I'll have nachos. I have gluten free chips that I'll put refried beans on, some sliced avocado and a fresh peach/mango salsa. In between there is my granola........sliced almonds, pepitas, sunflower seeds and dried cranberries...... if I get hungry.
I usually have no problem staying with my eating program unless I'm tired and don't have enough energy to cook. When I'm tired, my resolve disappears and I have several times given in to eat what I shouldn't. It sometimes isn't easy to eat this way. But, I don't want my body expending it's energy on digesting food that doesn't benefit my health when that energy could be spent on fighting the enemy. I want the fuel that I feed my body to be the highest propane possible.
I was thinking the other day that if someone walked up to any one of us and placed the keys to a Maserati in our hands and said, "Here, it's yours, free of charge. It's running perfectly and all you have to do is maintain it" we would be incredibly diligent in maintaining that priceless machine. We would probably polish it daily and use only the highest quality fuel to keep it at peak performance. Well, that's what God did when He gifted us with a precious body within which to house our soul. It is a truly miraculous machine, an amazing gift. Unfortunately, most of us take our healthy body for granted until a life threatening condition develops. But, knowing our weaknesses, God has encoded in that body such forgiving powers that as soon as we begin to care for our bodies properly, most of those conditions disappear. Even when the help of medical intervention is needed, we can still be a catalyst for the success of that intervention by the care we give our body.
Good Morning Father, Thank You so much for the gift of this precious body that You have given me. Please forgive me for not treating it in the past as the miraculous creation that it is. Thank You for the healing powers that you have placed within each of us. Help me and all those fighting this hated enemy to do whatever necessary to activate those healing powers. We're willing to do the work Lord. In return, please keep us in the palm of Your hand today. Let us be an example to others of what Your supernatural powers can do.
In Jesus' name.
Amen
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Day 34 Countdown to Cancer Free
I'm wondering now if I should be counting days to surgery and being cancer free instead of counting the days since diagnosis. Hmmm. It's coming down to the wire. One week from tomorrow...
Today started off a little shaky with me feeling really weepy. My boy Chipper hurt himself somehow last night and couldn't get up. He's been with me 14 years and, for a Golden Retriever, I know we're on borrowed time. To say I panicked was an understatement but he eventually managed to get up and is fine this morning. That sort of put a pall on things and then it was time to go to the hospital to register for next week's surgery. Had to fight not to cry all the way into Sugar Land and especially walking into the building. I prayed all the way in and then there was a beautiful sculpture of Jesus healing a kneeling woman in the entry and I really almost lost it at that point. Once I was inside, I was okay. I'm registered, more bloodwork done, and a chest xray completed. One more test this afternoon back at the cardiologist and then I'm done with testing.
The lady who did my lab work was a little person. Precious. We talked my grandson and her son who is graduating Friday, going into the Army to be a field medic and hopefully go on to become a physician. I talked lunch with the xray tech because I was getting hungry. Discovered we both like pho since I was thinking about lunch at Pho Mai. He told me about a place nearby with Vietnamese Sandwiches for only $2.00. Then on the way out, a nice looking young man stopped me to ask for some money to take the metro back home from visiting his sister in the hospital. Hmmm. Now that I think about it, the metro doesn't come to Sugar Land. Or at least I don't think it does. Regardless, I guess he needed the money worse than I did so I'm grateful I had a few dollars to share.
One of the websites I visit daily had this verse posted today.
Today started off a little shaky with me feeling really weepy. My boy Chipper hurt himself somehow last night and couldn't get up. He's been with me 14 years and, for a Golden Retriever, I know we're on borrowed time. To say I panicked was an understatement but he eventually managed to get up and is fine this morning. That sort of put a pall on things and then it was time to go to the hospital to register for next week's surgery. Had to fight not to cry all the way into Sugar Land and especially walking into the building. I prayed all the way in and then there was a beautiful sculpture of Jesus healing a kneeling woman in the entry and I really almost lost it at that point. Once I was inside, I was okay. I'm registered, more bloodwork done, and a chest xray completed. One more test this afternoon back at the cardiologist and then I'm done with testing.
The lady who did my lab work was a little person. Precious. We talked my grandson and her son who is graduating Friday, going into the Army to be a field medic and hopefully go on to become a physician. I talked lunch with the xray tech because I was getting hungry. Discovered we both like pho since I was thinking about lunch at Pho Mai. He told me about a place nearby with Vietnamese Sandwiches for only $2.00. Then on the way out, a nice looking young man stopped me to ask for some money to take the metro back home from visiting his sister in the hospital. Hmmm. Now that I think about it, the metro doesn't come to Sugar Land. Or at least I don't think it does. Regardless, I guess he needed the money worse than I did so I'm grateful I had a few dollars to share.
One of the websites I visit daily had this verse posted today.
"Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking, I will hear."
Isaiah 65:24
That is going to be my verse today to meditate on. I just need to remind myself that He knows every thing I am feeling, my every care and concern. For every concern there is an answer in the Bible. All I have to do is take the time to look for it. It's there. I am so happy to have God in my life. What do people do in my situation without Him? I just can't even imagine...........
Heavenly Father, Thank You so much for being with me every second of every minute of every day. You are the Alpha and the Omega. You are everything. I am so loved and so blessed and so cared for and I bow in gratitude to Your awesomeness.
Thank You Father for your healing spirit moving mightily within me and within every soul out there fighting this hated enemy. Thank You for placing the strength within us to wage a valiant and victorious war against those destructive forces.
In Jesus' name.
Amen
Monday, May 28, 2012
Day 36 No Fear
I knew when I walked into church yesterday that God would give Pastor RO the word that I needed right then. And He did. All RO had to say was "Psalm 91" and I knew immediately that was the word for me.
My grandson, Logan, used to wear a dogtag with the words "No Fear" on one side and the scripture itself on the other. He gave many of those dogtags to his dirt bike racing buddies and his football teammates. I know that scripture, mostly by heart, but my mind hasn't let me slow down enough to go back to it. Here are the words that spoke to me yesterday and that I carry in my heart today.
My grandson, Logan, used to wear a dogtag with the words "No Fear" on one side and the scripture itself on the other. He gave many of those dogtags to his dirt bike racing buddies and his football teammates. I know that scripture, mostly by heart, but my mind hasn't let me slow down enough to go back to it. Here are the words that spoke to me yesterday and that I carry in my heart today.
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."
He will cover you with his feathers and under His wings you will find refuge.
You will not fear the terror of night nor the arrow that flies by day.
He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.
"Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges My name. He will call upon me and I will answer him; I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."
Then I looked over to the next page, to Psalm 92 and here is what I had highlighted from another time when studying Psalms.
The righteous will flourish like a palm tree, they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon.
They will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green.
I guess today, Memorial Day, I have to feel so grateful to our troops who have given so much to keep our country safe, to allow me to read my Bible and to freely gather with like minded friends to honor my God and to know Him better every day. We so take for granted this freedom that is being eroded from within our own government. Tomorrow is Super Tuesday in Texas. I pray that all of my friends go to the polls and vote for the candidates that will preserve our religious freedom and vote out those candidates that would take that freedom away from us under the guise of "political correctness."
Father God, thank You so much for Your comforting words that calm my spirit, strengthen my faith and reassure me of Your love and protection throughout this journey. Bless me today Father and bless those others out there fighting the enemy that is trying to destroy us from within. Bless this country from the other enemy that is also trying to destroy our freedoms from within. Bless our troops and their families for the sacrifices they are making every day.
And, most of all today, God Bless America.
In Jesus' name.
Amen
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Day 35 Defeating The "Don't Wannas"
I started to write yesterday and then had a big case of "don't wannas". I hate when that happens. I guess part of it was a letdown after Mel's wedding. So much fun leading up to it and then the day and it was here and gone so quickly. I was tired yesterday and I know that's dangerous. Tired beats down your resolve and your bravery and wants to take you back to where you know you can't go again.
Yes, I wanted to jump in the car and drive thru Whataburger or Burger King instead of cooking what I needed to eat. Or maybe KFC for some crispy fried or Schultz's for some barbequed sausage. And I really really wanted a giant fountain diet DP with lots of crushed ice. Well, I didn't. I had my smoothie, juiced, cooked spinach and some beautiful speckled butter beans and roasted beets, potatoes, onions, carrots and mushrooms. I should have photo'd the beans for you. The colors are awesome. I'm so silly sometimes. I see a palette for a painting in everything. The beans were a mix of light caramel, rich brown and soft sage greens. Perfect for a tonalist landscape.
Tuesday I register at Methodist for the surgery. I'm starting to feel nervous about it and I don't like that. I want to be calm and confident and assured of the right outcome for everything. But I guess I'm realizing that on some level I'm not. There's a scared little girl inside of me wanting to turn and run away from all of this. Thank You Father that this is coming on Sunday. I need to be in Your house today and with Your family today. I know that You will send the right word to comfort and assure me of Your loving presence throughout this journey.
I did actually get started on pre-surgery cleaning yesterday. Ugh. Scrubbed down cabinets, cleaned window sills, stove, fridge, vacuumed, mopped, dusted and polished. I took my time and it took most of yesterday - all that in my little kitchen, dining and living areas. Next is my bedroom and then both bathrooms. Then I'll just vacuum Chipper's hair for upkeep. My boy with his beautiful gold and white coat sheds so much but that's okay. He's truly my very best friend, He doesn't care if I brush my teeth or make my bed or dust the furniture. He just wants to be next to me regardless of where I am.
Heavenly Father, please forgive me for being weak and scared and forgetting that I am in the palm of Your hand and that I can face with strength and assurance anything that comes against me. Grant that same strength and assurance to everyone facing down this enemy so that it is defeated forever.
You have given us the power to stamp on snakes and scorpions and authority over the enemy and we stand again on that promise today as we take authority over cancer, defeating it so profoundly that it is gone, never to return.
In Jesus' name.
Amen
Yes, I wanted to jump in the car and drive thru Whataburger or Burger King instead of cooking what I needed to eat. Or maybe KFC for some crispy fried or Schultz's for some barbequed sausage. And I really really wanted a giant fountain diet DP with lots of crushed ice. Well, I didn't. I had my smoothie, juiced, cooked spinach and some beautiful speckled butter beans and roasted beets, potatoes, onions, carrots and mushrooms. I should have photo'd the beans for you. The colors are awesome. I'm so silly sometimes. I see a palette for a painting in everything. The beans were a mix of light caramel, rich brown and soft sage greens. Perfect for a tonalist landscape.
Tuesday I register at Methodist for the surgery. I'm starting to feel nervous about it and I don't like that. I want to be calm and confident and assured of the right outcome for everything. But I guess I'm realizing that on some level I'm not. There's a scared little girl inside of me wanting to turn and run away from all of this. Thank You Father that this is coming on Sunday. I need to be in Your house today and with Your family today. I know that You will send the right word to comfort and assure me of Your loving presence throughout this journey.
I did actually get started on pre-surgery cleaning yesterday. Ugh. Scrubbed down cabinets, cleaned window sills, stove, fridge, vacuumed, mopped, dusted and polished. I took my time and it took most of yesterday - all that in my little kitchen, dining and living areas. Next is my bedroom and then both bathrooms. Then I'll just vacuum Chipper's hair for upkeep. My boy with his beautiful gold and white coat sheds so much but that's okay. He's truly my very best friend, He doesn't care if I brush my teeth or make my bed or dust the furniture. He just wants to be next to me regardless of where I am.
Heavenly Father, please forgive me for being weak and scared and forgetting that I am in the palm of Your hand and that I can face with strength and assurance anything that comes against me. Grant that same strength and assurance to everyone facing down this enemy so that it is defeated forever.
You have given us the power to stamp on snakes and scorpions and authority over the enemy and we stand again on that promise today as we take authority over cancer, defeating it so profoundly that it is gone, never to return.
In Jesus' name.
Amen
Friday, May 25, 2012
Day 33 Wedding Day
No, not me but even better............ My precious baby girl is about to marry the man of her dreams, the man God chose for her and I couldn't be happier. A small private ceremony so I made the perfect little cake for her. The only "c" word to be mentioned today is "cake."
It's a Vanilla Cake with strawberry buttercream and covered in white chocolate fondant. I made the flowers from sugar paste and the lace from the fondant. I can't wait for her to see it.
There is something so restorative and healing for me in working with my hands and I think it probably is the same for most people. Of course, not everything I work on turns out this well but most of my cakes do.
So, my grandson is about to be here to pick me up so we can get this happy day started. It's a happy day for all of us and that's all that matters. I hope all of you reading this have a blessed and happy day as well.
Heavenly Father, thank You so much for the beautiful sunshine this morning as you bless this day for my precious daughter and her new husband. Thank You Father for allowing me to be here to share in their joy. I love You so much and am filled to overflowing with gratitude for all You have done for me and my family, for all You are doing and for all that You're going to do. I love You Lord. I love you.
In Jesus' name.
Amen
It's a Vanilla Cake with strawberry buttercream and covered in white chocolate fondant. I made the flowers from sugar paste and the lace from the fondant. I can't wait for her to see it.
There is something so restorative and healing for me in working with my hands and I think it probably is the same for most people. Of course, not everything I work on turns out this well but most of my cakes do.
So, my grandson is about to be here to pick me up so we can get this happy day started. It's a happy day for all of us and that's all that matters. I hope all of you reading this have a blessed and happy day as well.
Heavenly Father, thank You so much for the beautiful sunshine this morning as you bless this day for my precious daughter and her new husband. Thank You Father for allowing me to be here to share in their joy. I love You so much and am filled to overflowing with gratitude for all You have done for me and my family, for all You are doing and for all that You're going to do. I love You Lord. I love you.
In Jesus' name.
Amen
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Day 32 What Next?!
Well just great! Now a bladder infection!!
That meant spending half the day yesterday getting checked for that, picking up meds and hoping they're the right ones but won't know for sure until the culture comes back on Friday. I have to be totally free of infection before the surgery. If not clear, then surgery will be delayed. All the stress of the last few days shot my blood pressure up so I had to come home and hit the couch for the rest of the day.
Father, I am releasing this to You and putting it in Your hands because at this point I feel like the enemy is wearing me down.
My surgeon did call me early yesterday morning to make sure I was okay after all the back and forth and to reassure me that my well being was of the upmost concern to him. That was comforting and I'm grateful for that. I'm just feeling pressured.
So much to do to get ready for this. Do I have enough art finished for the galleries to carry me through until I can get back in the studio? What all am I going to need to have here for recovery? I know the drs prepare you for the worst and, God willing, that will not be the case for me but their picture of recovery isn't pretty. Tons of stuff to buy for that. And then there's my house. Oh my gosh. My policy is to never do housework if there's anything else that I can do instead. I hate to clean house but I guess I'll have to just suck it up and get it done. Wondering if I should rent a hospital bed? Do I need it or is my bed high enough so as not to have to use tummy muscles standing up?
Food isn't going to be an issue. Broth, noodles, mashed potatoes, clear fruit juice and ensure. Oh great. That doesn't sound very healthy. When can I start back on my supplements? I don't want to be so weak that I give anything else a foothold in my system. I think if I weren't fighting cancer I might go fix myself a big adult beverage right now. I know, not the thing to do but............ So, I won't. What I really need is some quiet time with my Creator but my mind won't slow down enough for me to connect. I'm just going to have to walk and talk out loud with Him this morning knowing He's right here with me all the time.
Thank You precious Lord for being my comforter and my savior. I just couldn't get through this without You. It is all You, Lord. All You. Bless me today and every person out there fighting cancer, the dreaded enemy. We know that Your healing hand is on our shoulders and we are grateful.
In Jesus' name.
Amen
That meant spending half the day yesterday getting checked for that, picking up meds and hoping they're the right ones but won't know for sure until the culture comes back on Friday. I have to be totally free of infection before the surgery. If not clear, then surgery will be delayed. All the stress of the last few days shot my blood pressure up so I had to come home and hit the couch for the rest of the day.
Father, I am releasing this to You and putting it in Your hands because at this point I feel like the enemy is wearing me down.
My surgeon did call me early yesterday morning to make sure I was okay after all the back and forth and to reassure me that my well being was of the upmost concern to him. That was comforting and I'm grateful for that. I'm just feeling pressured.
So much to do to get ready for this. Do I have enough art finished for the galleries to carry me through until I can get back in the studio? What all am I going to need to have here for recovery? I know the drs prepare you for the worst and, God willing, that will not be the case for me but their picture of recovery isn't pretty. Tons of stuff to buy for that. And then there's my house. Oh my gosh. My policy is to never do housework if there's anything else that I can do instead. I hate to clean house but I guess I'll have to just suck it up and get it done. Wondering if I should rent a hospital bed? Do I need it or is my bed high enough so as not to have to use tummy muscles standing up?
Food isn't going to be an issue. Broth, noodles, mashed potatoes, clear fruit juice and ensure. Oh great. That doesn't sound very healthy. When can I start back on my supplements? I don't want to be so weak that I give anything else a foothold in my system. I think if I weren't fighting cancer I might go fix myself a big adult beverage right now. I know, not the thing to do but............ So, I won't. What I really need is some quiet time with my Creator but my mind won't slow down enough for me to connect. I'm just going to have to walk and talk out loud with Him this morning knowing He's right here with me all the time.
Thank You precious Lord for being my comforter and my savior. I just couldn't get through this without You. It is all You, Lord. All You. Bless me today and every person out there fighting cancer, the dreaded enemy. We know that Your healing hand is on our shoulders and we are grateful.
In Jesus' name.
Amen
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