If I sounded upbeat yesterday after having the port put in, it's because I was still under the influence of the pain meds they gave me at the hospital. That stuff has worn off and, let me tell you, this thing hurts. It hurts above the port and below the port. It hurts under my arm and down the back of my arm. I'm trying to make do with tylenol but may have to pull out the big guns they gave me after the big surgery. Of course, it's on my right side and I'm right handed. Great. Even had to brush my teeth with my left hand this morning. I'm sure this won't last long but for right now, it's pretty darned uncomfortable.
On top of this, I have just experienced a shining example of why it is so important to rest through this process and to stay calm, quiet and in the stillness of communication with God. About three days ago, I began to have some lower back pain. At first I attributed it to having spent too much time on my soft couch. A day later, the pain went from my lower back to my left hip joint and then down my leg to my knee and even down the side of my calf. By Sunday night, it was miserable. I couldn't take anything for the pain because I was scheduled for the port procedure early on Monday, yesterday. The pain was worse when I tried to lay down. I spent most of Sunday night up walking or sitting at my desk with my head on a pillow. Bad night.
You can probably imagine what was going through my mind. First, I thought I had slept wrong. Next I began to think it was osteoporosis. Then I began to wonder if I needed a hip replacement and how was I going to deal with all of that and chemo at the same time. Lastly, when I could no longer keep it from my mind, I started to think maybe cancer had spread to my spine and was causing all the other pain. Goodness. What a fertile brain I have.
Then yesterday, after the procedure, the pain was gone. I'm sure some of it was because of pain meds administered at the hospital, but I have begun to think that maybe it was just plain old stress causing muscle spasms in my lower back. I know.....I shouldn't self diagnose but what a relief it is to be able to walk, sit and lay down in bed without that pain. Now I just have to concentrate on getting through the next couple of days with the discomfort of this port. The other thing I need to concentrate on is working more quiet time, prayer and meditation, into my day. That has to be an absolute. If I have to schedule it like an appointment, then that's what I'm going to do. I need it and I know it'll make a huge difference.
Father God,
You said to go into a closet, a secret place, so that we could meet with You. Please forgive me for having let all the confusion and activity with what's going on in my life take precedence over that. Help me to find You today in that place so that I can access Your peace and love, Your healing power, and know more than ever that You are here with me through every step of this journey.
Father, I ask this same quiet communication with You for everyone out there dealing with the same journey that I am traveling right now. Help us to better know and understand You through knowing and understanding ourselves.
Love us, bless us, heal us.
In Jesus' precious name,
Amen
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