Day 453 A Lesson Learned

I have been offline for a while. 
Last week, when I got home from church, I noticed that my Chipper had hardly moved since I left a few hours earlier.   At fourteen, he was way past the life expectancy for a Golden Retriever and was having severe problems with his hips.  He was much too heavy for me to pick up but we had learned how to make things work.  Our daily routine had become one of his barking when he wanted to get up and my pushing his hips into position with my foot.  Then as he started to get up, I would slip my foot under his tummy and help him up to the point where he could go on his own. 

Chipper has been with me since I first fell in love with him as a six week old puppy.  In all that time, first as a real estate broker and then as an artist,  I worked primarily from home so he has been with me 24/7.   When we were in the old three story house in Richmond, we fought bats together for over a year.   He co-authored my real estate newsletter, The Chipper Gazette.   He took every step I took, even when it meant a struggle to get up to follow me from the bed to the couch to the studio to the computer to the kitchen.   He was there for me.

 

Then came last Sunday.   I managed to get him up once to go outside and eat and potty and that was it.  He didn't get up again.   I knew what was coming.   I spent the night next to him and the next morning managed to scoot him onto a quilt.   My son in law came and helped me get him into the car and to the vet.   They confirmed what I knew, that it was time to say goodbye to my friend, my other child that I loved so very much. 

 

It's been a week now.   I've cried too many tears.   I've been inconsolable.   My family took me to a concert Friday night and that was nice but as soon as I got home, I began to miss Chipper all over again.   For a week, I haven't studied the Word and I've hardly even spent any time in prayer.   I wasn't angry, I just didn't have the energy to do much other than to grieve my loss.   My heart was broken.   I just kept seeing him lying there so helpless looking to me to make things better and I couldn't and I just kept seeing him shaking in fear as he was wheeled into the vet's office as if he knew what was coming.   And I kept seeing him lying there after as I buried my face in his fur just searching for that last sweet sandy smell of him that I didn't want to let go of. 

 

Finally after realizing that I had to get past this, I began to put my focus elsewhere.   I started to make myself see how every time I let him out the back door that I would lean over and kiss his face and tell him how much I loved him.   I started to focus on all the times I would lay down next to him on the floor to just pull his old body up close and feel his warmth.  I started to focus on all the times, when he would look me in the eye, I would ask him if he had any idea how much I loved him.   Every time, I do that, the tears dry and a smile comes to my face.  He knew.

 

 

So, this morning it was time to leave the sadness behind.   My lesson learned?  It is that my life is determined by where I put my focus.   I probably knew that and could speak of it but not as clearly as now.  It is like a flipping a switch, going from sad to glad.  So sad that I only have his memory but so glad that I had him in my life for 14 years and so glad that he knew how much I loved him and still do.

 

And the Lord?    Well, He sent me two messages this morning.   The first was this in Isaiah.

 

"Therefore will the Lord wait, that He may be gracious unto you...."       Isaiah 30:18

 

He knew what I was going through and He was gracious in His patience and confident that I would make my way back.   Then somehow I went from Isaiah to Hebrews.

 

"Therefore strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees.  Make level paths for your feet."

Hebrews 12:12

 

He was telling me that it is my responsibility to get back to normal.   No one is going to do it for me.  So, back I am.   Not totally back to normal, but well on my way to leaving the sadness behind and changing the focus to gratitude for 14 wonderful years where I was loved unconditionally, every day, here on earth.  

 

Precious Lord, Jehovah Rapha,

Thank You for waiting on me, allowing me to deal with that overwhelming sadness and for Your confidence that I would strengthen myself and straighten my path....the path that leads directly back to you. 

Father, there are so many suffering today as they fight the enemy, cancer.   I ask special healing blessings for our young friends, Tony and Bryce, as they travel through round after round of chemo and radiation.   Give them the strength to weather the blows that are dealt them in order to kill the cancer cells.   I ask also for strength for our friend Marti as she goes through another round of chemo in hospital.   She has been through so much and has never faltered in her love and honor for You.  Reward her, Lord, with a complete healing this time so that the cancer will be so completely destoryed that it will never return.

These things we pray in the name of our precious Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Amen