God woke me this morning around 4:30am again. That's His favorite time to talk with me. I should say to listen to me because I have to remind myself to shut up once in a while so He can place some thoughts into my mind.
This morning led me to the internet again. I decided that I want to know exactly how my white blood cells are killing cancer cells. Well, oh my gosh, there is a medical facility in England that has managed to photo the most amazing thing and it's the way the white cells sort of circle the wagons to kill the bad cells. They're call NK or Natural Killer cells. I didn't bookmark it, but just googled "picture of white blood cells killing cancer cells". I'm starting to sort of grasp how it works but am going to have to read and study lots more. The body is such an amazing creation. Next I found an article about a team at the University of Pennsylvania that used "gutted" hiv cells that were no longer harmful to shore up tcells in a leukemia patient that was dying and put him in total remission. This is a phase 1 trial with only 3 patients so far. Patients 1 and 3 both had total remission and patient 2 a partial remission. I'm sure other researchers are going to take this and run with it to treat other forms of cancer.
Once I have a better understanding of how the white cells work, then I want to better understand how chemo works. How can they pattern a certain chemical to search out only the bad cells and what does it look like under the microscope? I know sometimes they kill off healthy cells as well, but now I'm excited that if I better understand how everything works, I'll better be able to support myself in getting along with healing.
Praise report for today: Friend Renee had her last chemo treatment yesterday and was able to ring the bell. Next step is surgery this month and then radiation and that baby will be cancer free. Our God is an awesome God.
Friend Frank has decided to start chemo and his first treatment is today and a long one. We're going to pray for maximum killing power and minimum side effects.
Friend Linda who was up and about yesterday after her surgery had a setback and is in need of more prayers.
I am asking for prayer for me today. I'm leaving shortly for labwork for Tuesday's chemo. Please pray that my red blood cell count is okay for chemo and that the cancer cells in my blood are down this time after going up three weeks in a row.
Precious Lord, Jehovah Rapha,
I just honor You today for Your loving mercy and undying patience with me and Your other children. Sometimes we forget that it is all about loving You, loving and forgiving others and loving and forgiving ourselves. The body that You have given us is such a gift of miraculous proportions that it is hard to even fathom the wonder of it all. Thank You Father. Thank You.
I come to You today filled with gratitude for the work that You have wrought in Renee as she moves into the next step of her recovery. I am so grateful that You have guided Frank to not give up and to fight this hated enemy. Father, I ask special healing mercies today for Linda as she recovers from her surgery. Bless her and give her strength to weather this latest challenge in her healing.
For me, Lord, I am asking for a good report on today's labwork. Namely, good red blood cell numbers and lower cancer numbers. I guess, truthfully, only You know what those numbers mean and I'm trusting You, Father, I'm believing for good numbers when I start chemo again on Tuesday.
Lord, I'm so privileged to even be able to have this treatment. There are so many who would give anything to be able to drive a short distance from their home and walk into a state of the art facility where the only purpose is to save their life. Forgive me Father for taking this for granted.
Help me today to be a good steward for You. I love You Lord. I love You.
I ask these things in the name of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, the one true messiah, the one who suffered and died for me.
Amen
Friday, August 31, 2012
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Day 129 Benchmark Day Yesterday
First of all, let me tell you that all my financial concerns are over. I received two emails, one that I inherited $12,000,000 - yes, those are six zeros - from an unnamed benefactress. Soon after a cancer patient emailed to say that he has $18,000,000 - yes, another six zeros - on deposit in an American financial institution and is willing to pay me 20% to help him dole it out to charitable organizations. All I have to do is contact his attorneys at their email address whose url is bob.com. Really? bob.com Law firm and their url is bob.com. Hahahahahaha. I guess the $40,000 scams weren't working so they decided to up the ante.
Okay, enough of the funnies. Yesterday was a benchmark day. There were just some things that happened that brought back to my mind things I have known my entire adult life....and forgotten. First of all, looking for new meditations on my tablet, I came across some interviews with Dr. Bernie Siegel. I first heard of Dr. Siegel about 30 years ago when Darlene and I went to one of his lectures. He was the leader in the mind/body connection of beating cancer. I have had his books and tapes in the past and have given them all to others dealing with cancer never thinking I would need his advice some day. So, I listened to some of the interviews, went through a guided meditation, and came out loving my body and my immune system in an entirely new way. Things I knew and forgot and God, in His infinite mercy, decided to give me a reminder. More to work on with this when I can sit quietly and just think, after I download his books to the Kindle on my sweet little tablet.
Secondly, I had a healthy dinner last night. Thank You God for Panera Drivethru. I had their lowfat chicken noodle soup and the Mediterranean Veggie Sandwich which is like a Greek salad on bread with the most amazing pesto and a sort of salsa made with grape tomatoes. Yummo. Then, I actually had an egg cooked in olive oil this morning with some toasted sourdough bread that Tineke brought me from La Madeleine. I won't tell you what else she brought me from there that I scoffed down immediately. Yay. That is excellent progress for me at this point. Probiotics still working and I may add some Yakult to the mix. Well, Yakult has to be cold and I still can't drink cold so probably not yet. I'll just stick with the pills.
I still can't stand the smell of food in my fridge. I have thrown out so much food. I have a bag of apples and a bag of organic carrots in perfectly good condition that have to go. I must have the sense of smell of a bloodhound right now. So, cleaning the fridge out again today and can't wait. I'll use the Lysol this time and replace the baking soda with fresh boxes. Then I remembered those expensive blue bags for veggies I bought ages ago which are supposed to retard the gasses forming in fruit and veggies in the fridge. So, I pulled them from the pantry and have them ready for the next fruit/veggies I buy for juicing.
I drove out to The Papershell yesterday to get a check for another large painting Elizabeth sold for me. Just walking among the plants is so cathartic. Then the gallery and all the handmade gift items and art is inspiring. I bought a precious little succulent to replace one that had died of neglect a while back. About the only plants left in good shape at my house are on the front porch but I make sure they're fed and watered regularly.
So, I'm awake and alive this morning and grateful. I have a sense of hope and of life beyond chemo. It's a good feeling. Thank You Father.
Report from friend Frank's family is that the results from the biopsy performed last week were pretty devastating. Frank is deciding whether or not to accept chemo as he's concerned about quality of life. My thought is that, yes, it does effect quality of life but as long as he's fighting, he's giving God more and more opportunities to intervene in the ultimate outcome. His family are asking for more prayers as Frank goes through this decision making progress.
Two praise reports: Friend Linda is up and walking and doing really well and Bettye's brother who was lifeflighted with a coral snake bite is doing well and on his way to complete recovery.
Special prayer request for my friend Darlene, who has been my best friend for over 40 years as she meets with surgeons regarding removing her gall bladder. I should be there to take care of her through this and she really has bad timing not being able to wait until after December. Who's going to take care of my Darlene?
Precious Lord, Jehovah Rapha,
We thank You for your healing mercies today as Frank and his family deal with the doctor's reports. We know Lord, that Your report is the one that counts. Wrap your loving and comforting arms around Frank and his amazing family today as they go through this process. Guide Frank in making the best decision.
Lord, we thank You too for Linda's healing and Woody's healing. Only You God, only You could have engineered these outcomes. We give You all the praise, honor and glory.
Lord, I thank You today especially for guiding Darlene to the right surgeon and medical staff for her upcoming surgery. Let her healing be quick, painless and complete.
Thank You for everything, absolutely everything. I love You so much Lord. It's all You.
In Jesus' precious name, the one true Messiah.
Amen
Okay, enough of the funnies. Yesterday was a benchmark day. There were just some things that happened that brought back to my mind things I have known my entire adult life....and forgotten. First of all, looking for new meditations on my tablet, I came across some interviews with Dr. Bernie Siegel. I first heard of Dr. Siegel about 30 years ago when Darlene and I went to one of his lectures. He was the leader in the mind/body connection of beating cancer. I have had his books and tapes in the past and have given them all to others dealing with cancer never thinking I would need his advice some day. So, I listened to some of the interviews, went through a guided meditation, and came out loving my body and my immune system in an entirely new way. Things I knew and forgot and God, in His infinite mercy, decided to give me a reminder. More to work on with this when I can sit quietly and just think, after I download his books to the Kindle on my sweet little tablet.
Secondly, I had a healthy dinner last night. Thank You God for Panera Drivethru. I had their lowfat chicken noodle soup and the Mediterranean Veggie Sandwich which is like a Greek salad on bread with the most amazing pesto and a sort of salsa made with grape tomatoes. Yummo. Then, I actually had an egg cooked in olive oil this morning with some toasted sourdough bread that Tineke brought me from La Madeleine. I won't tell you what else she brought me from there that I scoffed down immediately. Yay. That is excellent progress for me at this point. Probiotics still working and I may add some Yakult to the mix. Well, Yakult has to be cold and I still can't drink cold so probably not yet. I'll just stick with the pills.
I still can't stand the smell of food in my fridge. I have thrown out so much food. I have a bag of apples and a bag of organic carrots in perfectly good condition that have to go. I must have the sense of smell of a bloodhound right now. So, cleaning the fridge out again today and can't wait. I'll use the Lysol this time and replace the baking soda with fresh boxes. Then I remembered those expensive blue bags for veggies I bought ages ago which are supposed to retard the gasses forming in fruit and veggies in the fridge. So, I pulled them from the pantry and have them ready for the next fruit/veggies I buy for juicing.
I drove out to The Papershell yesterday to get a check for another large painting Elizabeth sold for me. Just walking among the plants is so cathartic. Then the gallery and all the handmade gift items and art is inspiring. I bought a precious little succulent to replace one that had died of neglect a while back. About the only plants left in good shape at my house are on the front porch but I make sure they're fed and watered regularly.
So, I'm awake and alive this morning and grateful. I have a sense of hope and of life beyond chemo. It's a good feeling. Thank You Father.
Report from friend Frank's family is that the results from the biopsy performed last week were pretty devastating. Frank is deciding whether or not to accept chemo as he's concerned about quality of life. My thought is that, yes, it does effect quality of life but as long as he's fighting, he's giving God more and more opportunities to intervene in the ultimate outcome. His family are asking for more prayers as Frank goes through this decision making progress.
Two praise reports: Friend Linda is up and walking and doing really well and Bettye's brother who was lifeflighted with a coral snake bite is doing well and on his way to complete recovery.
Special prayer request for my friend Darlene, who has been my best friend for over 40 years as she meets with surgeons regarding removing her gall bladder. I should be there to take care of her through this and she really has bad timing not being able to wait until after December. Who's going to take care of my Darlene?
Precious Lord, Jehovah Rapha,
We thank You for your healing mercies today as Frank and his family deal with the doctor's reports. We know Lord, that Your report is the one that counts. Wrap your loving and comforting arms around Frank and his amazing family today as they go through this process. Guide Frank in making the best decision.
Lord, we thank You too for Linda's healing and Woody's healing. Only You God, only You could have engineered these outcomes. We give You all the praise, honor and glory.
Lord, I thank You today especially for guiding Darlene to the right surgeon and medical staff for her upcoming surgery. Let her healing be quick, painless and complete.
Thank You for everything, absolutely everything. I love You so much Lord. It's all You.
In Jesus' precious name, the one true Messiah.
Amen
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Day 127 Well, I wasn't going to post today....
because I thought I'd probably be whining again about the nausea. Everyone is probably nauseated from hearing about this nausea. But, I have so many prayer requests so I have to write and ask for your prayers for these precious people.
First of all, please pray for a young man, 16 year old James who has been diagnosed with cancer.
My niece's daughter, Charley, is off to her freshman year at college and far from home and very sick. She's having tests today to try to determine the source of her pain.
Special friend Linda, went into surgery for a hiatal hernia. Dye tests showed it was leaking into her abdomen so she is back in surgery.
Friend Frank was to receive the results today for the biopsy performed last week on his lungs.
Long time friend Bettye writes that her brother Woody was lifeflighted into Herman for a snakebite.
Isaac is now a hurricane with so many people in its path.
Precious Father,
We come to You today in praise to ask for Your hand in every situation we are naming today.
We ask Your healing mercies on young James, that the cancer in his body is supernaturally extinguished so that he can be a testimony to Your awesomeness.
We ask healing mercies for Charley. Let her pain be gone already and calm the anxieties of her parents.
We thank You in advance for the report on Frank's biopsy. Only you can give the final report and we are asking for a good one.
Lord, bless and heal Linda. You know what a special woman she is and we ask that You intervene in her treatment now, healing everything that needs correcting.
Bless Bettye's brother as he fights the poison from the snakebite. You have given us authority over snakes Lord, and we take that authority as we declare him healed.
Father, we know that you control the winds and the rain and we ask that you calm the storm that is Isaac. With a thought, you can shrink it to a gentle breeze. Bless everyone in the path of this storm as you calm it's fury and use the rain to nuture and grow the crops that feed Your people.
We pray these things in the name of Jesus Christ, the name above all names.
Amen.
First of all, please pray for a young man, 16 year old James who has been diagnosed with cancer.
My niece's daughter, Charley, is off to her freshman year at college and far from home and very sick. She's having tests today to try to determine the source of her pain.
Special friend Linda, went into surgery for a hiatal hernia. Dye tests showed it was leaking into her abdomen so she is back in surgery.
Friend Frank was to receive the results today for the biopsy performed last week on his lungs.
Long time friend Bettye writes that her brother Woody was lifeflighted into Herman for a snakebite.
Isaac is now a hurricane with so many people in its path.
Precious Father,
We come to You today in praise to ask for Your hand in every situation we are naming today.
We ask Your healing mercies on young James, that the cancer in his body is supernaturally extinguished so that he can be a testimony to Your awesomeness.
We ask healing mercies for Charley. Let her pain be gone already and calm the anxieties of her parents.
We thank You in advance for the report on Frank's biopsy. Only you can give the final report and we are asking for a good one.
Lord, bless and heal Linda. You know what a special woman she is and we ask that You intervene in her treatment now, healing everything that needs correcting.
Bless Bettye's brother as he fights the poison from the snakebite. You have given us authority over snakes Lord, and we take that authority as we declare him healed.
Father, we know that you control the winds and the rain and we ask that you calm the storm that is Isaac. With a thought, you can shrink it to a gentle breeze. Bless everyone in the path of this storm as you calm it's fury and use the rain to nuture and grow the crops that feed Your people.
We pray these things in the name of Jesus Christ, the name above all names.
Amen.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Day 126 Best Laid Plans...........
.......... are sometimes all for naught. "Feel Good Saturday" quickly deteriorated and lasted through Sunday. The upside is that the bad days are so much better than they used to be. Of course, with the neurotic pills, I sleep through a lot of the nausea and that's just fine with me.
Today I was up at 4:30am, drove thru McD for my first coffee in four weeks and I am happy about that. Actually I was awake at 3:30am and started searching thru my Galaxy Tablet, which if I haven't told you before, I love, love, love. I know about mind/body connection. I've had an interest in it for years. I believe that God encoded in our dna the ability to heal ourselves through His spirit that lives in each of us. It is about more than asking for healing. It's about taking a proactive part in the healing. Here I am in the middle of fighting cancer and undergoing some really strong chemo treatments and it just now comes to mind that there are other things I can do. Duh! I know.... I'm a little slow sometimes.
I'm not very good at telling stories but this reminds me of one of the two little boys that missed their bus. The one little boy took off running after the bus. When he looked back over his shoulder, he saw his friend had not moved. "What are you doing?" he called back to the boy left behind. "I'm praying that we can catch the bus." The other boy answered, "Well, so am I but I'm running while I'm praying."
Anyway, it was a good reminder as I searched thru youtube while laying in bed and found some guided meditations specifically for cancer patients. Thank You, Father, for reminding me about that. Not just relaxing meditations, but rejuvenating too. Some were Christian, some were just relaxation, some are to listen to while having chemo........... lots and lots of options. Next purchase is some new earphones so I can listen on my tablet during next week's session. I do not like to rely on meds to treat every symptom. I know that every pill I take has a side effect of some sort. It's always a tradeoff. So, my goal with this is to hopefully be able to use meditation instead of so many meds when the nausea hits. I'll let you know how that works. MD Anderson is using mediation, Cancer Centers are using meditation. It's become an accepted practice as a support to healing rather than being looked at as some sort of new age mumbo jumbo.
Next thing is this. I've said this before................... and apparently forgot that I said it.................. so I'm going to say this again. Instead of writing about what I'm going to do, I'm going to do it first and then write about it. I had huge plans to go to Church yesterday since I was so sure that I was feeling better. Was not to be, but that's okay. Pastor RO and Laurie always get me a copy of whatever I miss and I'll catch up during the week.
Dear friend Lauren sent a prayer request for all of you who pray with me daily. Her friend John, she calls him a gentle giant, has been diagnosed with a brain tumor. We're asking a gentle healing for this gentle spirit along with special strength and blessings for his friends.
I also have a special prayer request. My artist friend and mentor, Jack White, has reached "The End of the Trail" with his painting career. Those are his words and not mine as I know that he'll continue to be productive in his writings and mentoring of emerging artists. Take a minute and go to his website to look at some of his amazing work. www.jackwhiteartist.com . Jack and his wife, artist Mikki Senkarik, are both cancer victors and immediately sent me a LiveStrong bracelet when I was first diagnosed. I wear it daily. Jack has a special love for the state of Texas and has completed his first historical novel about early Texas which is available on his website through Amazon.com. He's also written several books on marketing art which is an art all it's own. I just want you to ask blessings for Jack and Mikki. I know this wasn't an easy decision but he'll continue to create and bless us with his art in so many other ways.
Precious Lord, Jehovah Rapha,
Thank you for this great and glorious day. I am so happy to be alive and able to enjoy it. Thank You for my friends and my family and my Church family.
Father, we join in prayer today for Lauren's friend, John, asking a supernatural healing for him. You know Lauren's respect and admiration for this soul means he's one of the good ones that we need here with us, fighting the good fight for You.
Father, we thank You for Jack and the incredible art you've inspired him to create over the years. I've been so blessed by his generosity and knowledge which he willingly shares with anyone who asks. We are asking for continued blessing and success as his creative works move in a different direction.
Jehovah Rapha, Your name means You are the God of healing and restoration. In Jesus' precious name, we ask healing for everyone fighting this dreaded enemy, complete victory and restoration of everything it might have taken from us.
Amen and Amen.
Today I was up at 4:30am, drove thru McD for my first coffee in four weeks and I am happy about that. Actually I was awake at 3:30am and started searching thru my Galaxy Tablet, which if I haven't told you before, I love, love, love. I know about mind/body connection. I've had an interest in it for years. I believe that God encoded in our dna the ability to heal ourselves through His spirit that lives in each of us. It is about more than asking for healing. It's about taking a proactive part in the healing. Here I am in the middle of fighting cancer and undergoing some really strong chemo treatments and it just now comes to mind that there are other things I can do. Duh! I know.... I'm a little slow sometimes.
I'm not very good at telling stories but this reminds me of one of the two little boys that missed their bus. The one little boy took off running after the bus. When he looked back over his shoulder, he saw his friend had not moved. "What are you doing?" he called back to the boy left behind. "I'm praying that we can catch the bus." The other boy answered, "Well, so am I but I'm running while I'm praying."
Anyway, it was a good reminder as I searched thru youtube while laying in bed and found some guided meditations specifically for cancer patients. Thank You, Father, for reminding me about that. Not just relaxing meditations, but rejuvenating too. Some were Christian, some were just relaxation, some are to listen to while having chemo........... lots and lots of options. Next purchase is some new earphones so I can listen on my tablet during next week's session. I do not like to rely on meds to treat every symptom. I know that every pill I take has a side effect of some sort. It's always a tradeoff. So, my goal with this is to hopefully be able to use meditation instead of so many meds when the nausea hits. I'll let you know how that works. MD Anderson is using mediation, Cancer Centers are using meditation. It's become an accepted practice as a support to healing rather than being looked at as some sort of new age mumbo jumbo.
Next thing is this. I've said this before................... and apparently forgot that I said it.................. so I'm going to say this again. Instead of writing about what I'm going to do, I'm going to do it first and then write about it. I had huge plans to go to Church yesterday since I was so sure that I was feeling better. Was not to be, but that's okay. Pastor RO and Laurie always get me a copy of whatever I miss and I'll catch up during the week.
Dear friend Lauren sent a prayer request for all of you who pray with me daily. Her friend John, she calls him a gentle giant, has been diagnosed with a brain tumor. We're asking a gentle healing for this gentle spirit along with special strength and blessings for his friends.
I also have a special prayer request. My artist friend and mentor, Jack White, has reached "The End of the Trail" with his painting career. Those are his words and not mine as I know that he'll continue to be productive in his writings and mentoring of emerging artists. Take a minute and go to his website to look at some of his amazing work. www.jackwhiteartist.com . Jack and his wife, artist Mikki Senkarik, are both cancer victors and immediately sent me a LiveStrong bracelet when I was first diagnosed. I wear it daily. Jack has a special love for the state of Texas and has completed his first historical novel about early Texas which is available on his website through Amazon.com. He's also written several books on marketing art which is an art all it's own. I just want you to ask blessings for Jack and Mikki. I know this wasn't an easy decision but he'll continue to create and bless us with his art in so many other ways.
Precious Lord, Jehovah Rapha,
Thank you for this great and glorious day. I am so happy to be alive and able to enjoy it. Thank You for my friends and my family and my Church family.
Father, we join in prayer today for Lauren's friend, John, asking a supernatural healing for him. You know Lauren's respect and admiration for this soul means he's one of the good ones that we need here with us, fighting the good fight for You.
Father, we thank You for Jack and the incredible art you've inspired him to create over the years. I've been so blessed by his generosity and knowledge which he willingly shares with anyone who asks. We are asking for continued blessing and success as his creative works move in a different direction.
Jehovah Rapha, Your name means You are the God of healing and restoration. In Jesus' precious name, we ask healing for everyone fighting this dreaded enemy, complete victory and restoration of everything it might have taken from us.
Amen and Amen.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Day 124 I Feel Good!!
Thank you, Dr. P. Thank you Prayer Buddies. Thank you Church. Thank you Friends. Most of all, thank You, Precious Jesus. I am so excited, I can hardly express what a relief this is. Dr. P's brain tricking pills worked. It's such a relief to know that if the nausea comes back, just a little pill, a nice nap, and I can handle it. No more crying, no more wanting to just croak and be done with it all. Oh my gosh, I'm such a drama queen sometime. I can laugh about it now, but it wasn't so funny before.
My sweet daughter is taking a break and going with her hubby to the bay for the weekend so she has allerted all these people to check on me. I'm ashamed to think what I've put my daughter through during this. Poor baby. Not like she doesn't have enough on her plate without having a whiney mommy to worry about. Bless her Lord with a quiet, relaxing and rejuvenating weekend.
I'm excited to go to church tomorrow. This will be my first "chemo week" that I've been able to go to church. So far, Sunday has been just another day of recovery. I am planning a lunch out this week. For exercise, a trip around a store. Not sure which one but it has to be one with grocery buggies to lean on so I'll have more staying time. If Michael's is open, then that's where I'm headed. I know I can walk for at least an hour there. Between the art department and cake decorating departments, I may have to make two trips. I also think I'm feeling good enough to paint some today. God is so good and I'm so grateful.
For I am the Lord, Your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, "Do not frear, I will help you." Isaiah 41:13
Precious Lord,
In humblest gratitiude I thank You for every blessing you've given me. Only You, Father, can guide the hand of the earthly healers to do the work that you began in Heaven and entrusted to them.
I thank You, Father, for my doctors, my friends, my Church family, and everyone who has invested their time and energy in praying for me. Father, I ask that You bless them each one many many times over and that those prayers for healing and blessings flow through me and out to reach others in need.
Thank You for Your healing spirit moving mightily among each and every one of us fighting this hated disease.
We love You, Lord. We love You.
In Jesus' precious name, the name above sickness, the name above pain, the name above cancer, the name above all names.
Amen
My sweet daughter is taking a break and going with her hubby to the bay for the weekend so she has allerted all these people to check on me. I'm ashamed to think what I've put my daughter through during this. Poor baby. Not like she doesn't have enough on her plate without having a whiney mommy to worry about. Bless her Lord with a quiet, relaxing and rejuvenating weekend.
I'm excited to go to church tomorrow. This will be my first "chemo week" that I've been able to go to church. So far, Sunday has been just another day of recovery. I am planning a lunch out this week. For exercise, a trip around a store. Not sure which one but it has to be one with grocery buggies to lean on so I'll have more staying time. If Michael's is open, then that's where I'm headed. I know I can walk for at least an hour there. Between the art department and cake decorating departments, I may have to make two trips. I also think I'm feeling good enough to paint some today. God is so good and I'm so grateful.
For I am the Lord, Your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, "Do not frear, I will help you." Isaiah 41:13
Precious Lord,
In humblest gratitiude I thank You for every blessing you've given me. Only You, Father, can guide the hand of the earthly healers to do the work that you began in Heaven and entrusted to them.
I thank You, Father, for my doctors, my friends, my Church family, and everyone who has invested their time and energy in praying for me. Father, I ask that You bless them each one many many times over and that those prayers for healing and blessings flow through me and out to reach others in need.
Thank You for Your healing spirit moving mightily among each and every one of us fighting this hated disease.
We love You, Lord. We love You.
In Jesus' precious name, the name above sickness, the name above pain, the name above cancer, the name above all names.
Amen
Friday, August 24, 2012
Day 123 Praise Report, Yippee!
First of all, Thank You Father, for the good report on artist friend, Hannah Dreiss. Her second surgery for unterine cancer revealed she's all clear, ready to recuperate and hit the art show circuit again with her husband, Nemo, the artist.
Friend Frank Hoot that we prayed for underwent a procedure yesterday and seems to have handled it well and is resting now. Father, we know that Your report is the only one that counts and we are believing that the test results are going to be favorable.
And now, a praise report for me. Yay! Went back to Dr. P yesterday to have the pump taken off. I started myself on a probiotic a few days back and the diarrhea that has plagued me for almost three months came to a stop. So we are postponing the pet scan to see if the number of cancer cells in my blood goes down now that I can retain some nutrients in my body.
On top of that, I started those sneaky little antianxiety pills that are supposed to trick my brain into thinking I am not nauseous. Let me just say that at this point two chemos ago, I was headed to the emergency room. At this point last chemo, I was crying to Melanie that I would do no more chemo and she could just stick me in hospice somewhere and let me die. A little dramatic, I know, but being female and Italian, I just have permission to dramatize sometime. This round, I am up and lucid. Only slight nausea and it if gets any worse, then I'll have another little pill, take another healing nap and be up later. I have not been able to go to church on chemo week so far and my goal this chemo week is to beat the enemy and get to church. Thank You Jesus.
Precious Lord, Jehovah Rapha,
We know that Your healing spirit, Your mighty hand is at work coming to the aid of Your children who need You and who call on Your name for help.
I am asking Your grace and favor on every one fighting this enemy and special blessings on all the prayer partners who intercede daily on our behalf.
We love You so much Father. We are so grateful to have You in our life. We would be nothing without You. Help us, through Your guided healing, to share Your love and spirit with others. Let us each be a beacon for what can be accomplished only through You.
In the name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, the one true Messiah.
Amen
Friend Frank Hoot that we prayed for underwent a procedure yesterday and seems to have handled it well and is resting now. Father, we know that Your report is the only one that counts and we are believing that the test results are going to be favorable.
And now, a praise report for me. Yay! Went back to Dr. P yesterday to have the pump taken off. I started myself on a probiotic a few days back and the diarrhea that has plagued me for almost three months came to a stop. So we are postponing the pet scan to see if the number of cancer cells in my blood goes down now that I can retain some nutrients in my body.
On top of that, I started those sneaky little antianxiety pills that are supposed to trick my brain into thinking I am not nauseous. Let me just say that at this point two chemos ago, I was headed to the emergency room. At this point last chemo, I was crying to Melanie that I would do no more chemo and she could just stick me in hospice somewhere and let me die. A little dramatic, I know, but being female and Italian, I just have permission to dramatize sometime. This round, I am up and lucid. Only slight nausea and it if gets any worse, then I'll have another little pill, take another healing nap and be up later. I have not been able to go to church on chemo week so far and my goal this chemo week is to beat the enemy and get to church. Thank You Jesus.
Precious Lord, Jehovah Rapha,
We know that Your healing spirit, Your mighty hand is at work coming to the aid of Your children who need You and who call on Your name for help.
I am asking Your grace and favor on every one fighting this enemy and special blessings on all the prayer partners who intercede daily on our behalf.
We love You so much Father. We are so grateful to have You in our life. We would be nothing without You. Help us, through Your guided healing, to share Your love and spirit with others. Let us each be a beacon for what can be accomplished only through You.
In the name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, the one true Messiah.
Amen
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Day 121 Am I Crazy?
The answer might be a resounding Yes! Yesterday was Chemo Round 4, Day 1. I met with Dr. Popatia. He was upset that I was so sick after the last chemo and doubly upset that I had not called him about it. It is hard to explain to a doctor that calling a doctor is not in my dna and I actually never thought about calling him for help. I always think I can weather it out myself while I'm driving family and friends crazy.
So, here is the most interesting part of our conversation. He said that sometimes in cases like mine where I had such a bad reaction to the second round, my brain now thinks every round will be the same. That is the only reason he can imagine why zofran, fenugren, and compazine are all totally ineffective. So, I will be taking some meds for actual nausea and some meds to trick my brain into thinking I am not nauseous.
There was a down side to our conversation. The cancer cells showing up in my blood has increased three weeks in a row. That has him very concerned. He said it could be a result of the diarrhea and issues with the colon where this all started. Just because only one of the 25 lymph nodes checked was positive doesn't mean there weren't more since there are hundreds of lymph nodes at that spot. He is going to order another pet scan which is the one where I'm given a shot of sugar to make the cancer cells dance around on the screen. I'm not worried about that. Too many prayers.
I know people were praying for me yesterday and I want all of you to know that it worked. Praise God. What awesome prayer partners I have. I went into the infusion room. Jennifer hooked me up and my first bag is steroids and benadryl. I went straight to sleep and just woke when she changed bags to chemo. Three going at one time. Came home, got in my jammies and slept most of the day.
Mel picked up my script for a low dose pill to continue to trick my brain. I'll start that on Thursday evening which has been when the bad times set it. The day went well, only slight nausea last night. I slept well even with the pump and I'm up this morning at 4:30, had breakfast twice (!), and am now writing you. I just feel like I've turned the corner with this thing and I'm so grateful.
Now, I want to talk to you about my friends Frank and Dede Hoot. I've known them for many years and Dede's sister, Grace, is one of my champions and prayer warriors. Frank was just recently diagnosed with an incurable lung cancer. He is at MD and has been told that chemo and radiation will extend his life another couple of years possibly. We know that God's report is the one that counts and this earth needs Frank. I think that the worst thing one could say about Frank is that he's a really really good guy. He's a good husband, a good father, a good brother, a good Christian and everyone who knows him loves him. So I am asking all of you to put the power of your prayers to work for Frank today and in the coming weeks.
"Behold, God is my salvation. I will trust and not be afraid." Isaiah 12:2
Precious Lord, Jehovah Rapha,
We know that Your name states that You are the God of healing and restoration. We know that you are the God of miracles. We come to You today in humble gratitude for the miracles that are at work in Frank's life right now. We thank You for guiding his medical team to do what is best for Him and for You adding Your handiwork to theirs so that he has a complete healing without an expiration date on it.
Lord, I want to thank You today for the ease I'm having with round 4 of this chemo. It's all You Father. It's all You. I give You all the praise, honor and glory.
I ask special blessings today on all the prayer buddies, partners, warriors that have interceded on my behalf and who are interceding right now for Frank. I lift each one of them up to you, even though I don't know many of them. That doesn't matter because You know them. You know them by name, You know every hair on their head.
I love You so much Lord. Without You, I am nothing. Bless me today and grant me the strength to do whatever it is You have for me to do.
I pray these things in the name of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, the one true Messiah.
Amen
So, here is the most interesting part of our conversation. He said that sometimes in cases like mine where I had such a bad reaction to the second round, my brain now thinks every round will be the same. That is the only reason he can imagine why zofran, fenugren, and compazine are all totally ineffective. So, I will be taking some meds for actual nausea and some meds to trick my brain into thinking I am not nauseous.
There was a down side to our conversation. The cancer cells showing up in my blood has increased three weeks in a row. That has him very concerned. He said it could be a result of the diarrhea and issues with the colon where this all started. Just because only one of the 25 lymph nodes checked was positive doesn't mean there weren't more since there are hundreds of lymph nodes at that spot. He is going to order another pet scan which is the one where I'm given a shot of sugar to make the cancer cells dance around on the screen. I'm not worried about that. Too many prayers.
I know people were praying for me yesterday and I want all of you to know that it worked. Praise God. What awesome prayer partners I have. I went into the infusion room. Jennifer hooked me up and my first bag is steroids and benadryl. I went straight to sleep and just woke when she changed bags to chemo. Three going at one time. Came home, got in my jammies and slept most of the day.
Mel picked up my script for a low dose pill to continue to trick my brain. I'll start that on Thursday evening which has been when the bad times set it. The day went well, only slight nausea last night. I slept well even with the pump and I'm up this morning at 4:30, had breakfast twice (!), and am now writing you. I just feel like I've turned the corner with this thing and I'm so grateful.
Now, I want to talk to you about my friends Frank and Dede Hoot. I've known them for many years and Dede's sister, Grace, is one of my champions and prayer warriors. Frank was just recently diagnosed with an incurable lung cancer. He is at MD and has been told that chemo and radiation will extend his life another couple of years possibly. We know that God's report is the one that counts and this earth needs Frank. I think that the worst thing one could say about Frank is that he's a really really good guy. He's a good husband, a good father, a good brother, a good Christian and everyone who knows him loves him. So I am asking all of you to put the power of your prayers to work for Frank today and in the coming weeks.
"Behold, God is my salvation. I will trust and not be afraid." Isaiah 12:2
Precious Lord, Jehovah Rapha,
We know that Your name states that You are the God of healing and restoration. We know that you are the God of miracles. We come to You today in humble gratitude for the miracles that are at work in Frank's life right now. We thank You for guiding his medical team to do what is best for Him and for You adding Your handiwork to theirs so that he has a complete healing without an expiration date on it.
Lord, I want to thank You today for the ease I'm having with round 4 of this chemo. It's all You Father. It's all You. I give You all the praise, honor and glory.
I ask special blessings today on all the prayer buddies, partners, warriors that have interceded on my behalf and who are interceding right now for Frank. I lift each one of them up to you, even though I don't know many of them. That doesn't matter because You know them. You know them by name, You know every hair on their head.
I love You so much Lord. Without You, I am nothing. Bless me today and grant me the strength to do whatever it is You have for me to do.
I pray these things in the name of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, the one true Messiah.
Amen
Monday, August 20, 2012
Day 119 What's In My Grocery Cart?
Hahahaha......... You're not gonna believe............
I've had three pretty good days in a row. Had a bad spell early evening yesterday and that resulted in a big cry but then I started forcing water and seemed to help within about 10 minutes. I don't know why I keep crying. I guess I just feel so hopeless when that awful nausea hits and I know it can go on for days but this time it didn't. Thank You Father. I know you're giving me more and more tools to better handle this.
So, today was bloodwork in preparation for tomorrow. I got the big woman with the heavy hand instead of the handsome man with the magical needle but......... oh well. Next time. Spent about an hour in Krogers getting ready for the next seige. I'll have the pump on from tomorrow until Thursday. I'm just feeling sure it is going to be easier this time. I'm certainly better prepared and have enough food laid in for an army.
If you were with me leading up to surgery, you know I was pretty regimented in the anti cancer diet I followed. Now, not so much. In order for me to eat something, it has to meet two of three criteria. Sweet, salty and for sure greasy. I don't know why. Haven't been able to drink coffee for two weeks now. I bought carrots today to juice in hopes of getting something of value in my system but I can smell them when I open the fridge and my stomach turns. I may have to just juice apples and grapes.
Back to my grocery cart. I now know the true meaning of comfort food. It is eating whatever you think is going to make you feel good and there need be no rhyme nor reason for any of it. It certainly has nothing to do with childhood favorites. Remember the chicken livers? Two months ago, some of this stuff wouldn't have been allowed in my cart, much less my mouth. Not now. Beanie Wienies. Whaaaaat? Yes, I can't wait to get into them. Pepperidge Farm Orange Milanos. Oh shoot, I was going to get some vanilla wafers. I'll put that on a list for Mel. Fruit punch. Whaaat? Yes, fruit punch as in Hawaiian Punch. During chemo, I can't drink carbonated drinks. They cause heart burn. Also nothing cold but that's okay. I'm used by now to room temp drinks. The chemo effects nerve endings in my mouth and only finally today was I able to drink a Dr Pepper with ice. That'll end tomorrow. In celebration of eating cold, I bought just a single serving of Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream and scoffed that down already. As a matter of fact, I've been eating almost every hour. Sort of like a bear getting ready for hibernation. Bet I've put a few pounds back on and for right now, that's okay by me.
I did buy some healthy frozen meals. Once chemo starts, one of them will satisfy probably two meals. I bought some artisan bread and turkey/cheese for sammies. I never make sandwiches at home. Gluten free is obviously out the door. Peanut butter snack sandwiches. They were a life saver last time when I was too nauseated to eat but really hungry. Just one or two pieces would get me through most of a day. I did walk thru the health food section which I've been avoiding since chemo started and bought the seaweed rice chips I love. This is the first time in almost two months that I had a taste for them and that is probably my one concession to healthy other than the carrots and apples. Palmiers and pumpkin empanadas. Yay!!!! I may save those for breakfast in the morning. For sure it won't be oatmeal. Oh, and the other foods so far on the "I'll Never Eat This Again" list? Watermelon :(, roast beef and raw spinach and the good cake with blue icing. That had some alarming results.
So, I'm ready. Every thing is washed, fresh bedding on the bed. Chipper has been bathed and Crystal has a clean potty. Just need to vacuum dog hair this evening and we're ready to go. Yay. I'm so ready to get it done. Once this round is over, I'm 1/3 of the way done. It'll be 4 down and only 8 to go. Jehovah Rapha is blessing Dr. Popatia and his nurse Jennifer right now, the chemo they'll be giving me and every bite of food I'm eating in preparation for this. I'm actually looking forward to getting there tomorrow and getting past this next round. Praise God.
Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. He who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own, they belong to the Father who sent me." John 14:23-24
Jehovah Rapha,
I am so grateful for Your healing spirit that is moving within me right now, destroying every cancer cell that would destroy me and for restoring my body to health and my life to what it was before but even better. Better because I am learning more and more every day to depend on You, to love You, to honor You and to obey You.
I thank You for this glorious day that You've given me and every one else fighting this same battle. With You on our side, our efforts will not be in vain.
I'm asking a special blessing on those friends who join me daily in prayer to you. What amazing children of Yours they are. Thank You for placing so many amazing people in my life. There's a reason for this journey and each day reveals another reason for it.
I love You Father. It's all You.
These things I pray in Jesus' name, the name above all names, the one true Messiah.
Amen.
I've had three pretty good days in a row. Had a bad spell early evening yesterday and that resulted in a big cry but then I started forcing water and seemed to help within about 10 minutes. I don't know why I keep crying. I guess I just feel so hopeless when that awful nausea hits and I know it can go on for days but this time it didn't. Thank You Father. I know you're giving me more and more tools to better handle this.
So, today was bloodwork in preparation for tomorrow. I got the big woman with the heavy hand instead of the handsome man with the magical needle but......... oh well. Next time. Spent about an hour in Krogers getting ready for the next seige. I'll have the pump on from tomorrow until Thursday. I'm just feeling sure it is going to be easier this time. I'm certainly better prepared and have enough food laid in for an army.
If you were with me leading up to surgery, you know I was pretty regimented in the anti cancer diet I followed. Now, not so much. In order for me to eat something, it has to meet two of three criteria. Sweet, salty and for sure greasy. I don't know why. Haven't been able to drink coffee for two weeks now. I bought carrots today to juice in hopes of getting something of value in my system but I can smell them when I open the fridge and my stomach turns. I may have to just juice apples and grapes.
Back to my grocery cart. I now know the true meaning of comfort food. It is eating whatever you think is going to make you feel good and there need be no rhyme nor reason for any of it. It certainly has nothing to do with childhood favorites. Remember the chicken livers? Two months ago, some of this stuff wouldn't have been allowed in my cart, much less my mouth. Not now. Beanie Wienies. Whaaaaat? Yes, I can't wait to get into them. Pepperidge Farm Orange Milanos. Oh shoot, I was going to get some vanilla wafers. I'll put that on a list for Mel. Fruit punch. Whaaat? Yes, fruit punch as in Hawaiian Punch. During chemo, I can't drink carbonated drinks. They cause heart burn. Also nothing cold but that's okay. I'm used by now to room temp drinks. The chemo effects nerve endings in my mouth and only finally today was I able to drink a Dr Pepper with ice. That'll end tomorrow. In celebration of eating cold, I bought just a single serving of Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream and scoffed that down already. As a matter of fact, I've been eating almost every hour. Sort of like a bear getting ready for hibernation. Bet I've put a few pounds back on and for right now, that's okay by me.
I did buy some healthy frozen meals. Once chemo starts, one of them will satisfy probably two meals. I bought some artisan bread and turkey/cheese for sammies. I never make sandwiches at home. Gluten free is obviously out the door. Peanut butter snack sandwiches. They were a life saver last time when I was too nauseated to eat but really hungry. Just one or two pieces would get me through most of a day. I did walk thru the health food section which I've been avoiding since chemo started and bought the seaweed rice chips I love. This is the first time in almost two months that I had a taste for them and that is probably my one concession to healthy other than the carrots and apples. Palmiers and pumpkin empanadas. Yay!!!! I may save those for breakfast in the morning. For sure it won't be oatmeal. Oh, and the other foods so far on the "I'll Never Eat This Again" list? Watermelon :(, roast beef and raw spinach and the good cake with blue icing. That had some alarming results.
So, I'm ready. Every thing is washed, fresh bedding on the bed. Chipper has been bathed and Crystal has a clean potty. Just need to vacuum dog hair this evening and we're ready to go. Yay. I'm so ready to get it done. Once this round is over, I'm 1/3 of the way done. It'll be 4 down and only 8 to go. Jehovah Rapha is blessing Dr. Popatia and his nurse Jennifer right now, the chemo they'll be giving me and every bite of food I'm eating in preparation for this. I'm actually looking forward to getting there tomorrow and getting past this next round. Praise God.
Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. He who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own, they belong to the Father who sent me." John 14:23-24
Jehovah Rapha,
I am so grateful for Your healing spirit that is moving within me right now, destroying every cancer cell that would destroy me and for restoring my body to health and my life to what it was before but even better. Better because I am learning more and more every day to depend on You, to love You, to honor You and to obey You.
I thank You for this glorious day that You've given me and every one else fighting this same battle. With You on our side, our efforts will not be in vain.
I'm asking a special blessing on those friends who join me daily in prayer to you. What amazing children of Yours they are. Thank You for placing so many amazing people in my life. There's a reason for this journey and each day reveals another reason for it.
I love You Father. It's all You.
These things I pray in Jesus' name, the name above all names, the one true Messiah.
Amen.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Day 118 Awesome Sunday
Let me say first of all that yesterday was a wonderful day. I felt well, made a chocolate meringue pie for my dear daughter and son-in-law. I told them I was buttering them up in advance in case I have another bad round with chemo this week. Anyway, visited and helped Melanie set up Logan's room in the new house. He's off to HBU................hahaha 20 miles away............and needs a room for when he comes home. Great time, then treated myself to a chinese lunch and back home to watch football. I've said it before and I'll say it again, the upside to chemo is guiltfree football watching this fall. Go Texans.
This morning I felt well enough to try to fix a healthy breakfast.
Note to self: Food to add to the "Do Not Ever Eat This Again" List: Oatmeal.
Oh my gosh, I had to leave church early because my little tummy, and I mean little, had swollen to gargantuan size. Jumped in the van, immediately unbottoned my pants and unhooked my bra. Aaaahhhhhhhh, relief.
There is no doubt in my mind that cancer is not the only enemy I am fighting. I am fundamentalist enough to believe that the nausea isn't from God but from one who wants to steal my faith, my joy, my hope and I'm going to fight him every step of the way.
Today was a special celebration at church. Ebbie's Mom, Jo P., is cancer free. We prayed for her early on in the journey with this blog. Please know prayer buddies, that God is at work and inhabiting the praise of His children. Ebbie showed me pictures of Jo's scan in April and one lung was barely visible it was so covered with tumors. Second pic last Tuesday shows two healthy lungs with no sign of a tumor.
Praise God.
Pastor RO's message today was about when things don't go as planned. Hello....... He was preaching to the choir with me in the audience. He also talked about the names of God. One was Jehovah Rapha, the God of healing and restoration. I think when I go into chemo on Tuesday I will address God with that respectful name as I ask again that he heals me and restores my life to me.
Special prayers please today for Ray Price. He is dealing with pancreatic cancer and has had to cancel all but one of his upcoming shows. His song, Faith, is one often performed by Butch Murphy in our church. Butch's version is incredible and brings tears to my eyes every time I hear it.
Precious Father,
Thank You for getting me to church this morning. You know what I was dealing with in trying to get there but we won this morning, didn't we?
Lord, I am so grateful for the healing you have performed for Jo P, not once but twice. Thank You, Father, that the healing is so complete that the enemy is totally destroyed and will never touch her again.
Father, we ask your healing mercies on Ray Price. He has written and performed so many songs to honor You and touched many hearts with them. Bless him, strengthen him and take him through this with ease.
And, Lord, Your name Jehovah Rapha describes you as the God of healing and restoration. I am asking in Jesus' name that Jehovah Rapha touches the chemo I'll be receiving on Tuesday that it moves easily through me, obliterating cancer cells and with no accopanying nausea. Restore my quality of life to before chemo. Chemotherapy is not an excuse for sickness and malaise. Those are tools of the enemy tempting me to stop, to give up and to lose faith. I am stronger than that, Lord. You know that. You created me, You bless me, You favor me, You love me and I am grateful. And I love you.
These things I ask in the name of Jesus Christ, the name above cancer, the name above pain, the name above nausea, the name above all other names.
Amen
This morning I felt well enough to try to fix a healthy breakfast.
Note to self: Food to add to the "Do Not Ever Eat This Again" List: Oatmeal.
Oh my gosh, I had to leave church early because my little tummy, and I mean little, had swollen to gargantuan size. Jumped in the van, immediately unbottoned my pants and unhooked my bra. Aaaahhhhhhhh, relief.
There is no doubt in my mind that cancer is not the only enemy I am fighting. I am fundamentalist enough to believe that the nausea isn't from God but from one who wants to steal my faith, my joy, my hope and I'm going to fight him every step of the way.
Today was a special celebration at church. Ebbie's Mom, Jo P., is cancer free. We prayed for her early on in the journey with this blog. Please know prayer buddies, that God is at work and inhabiting the praise of His children. Ebbie showed me pictures of Jo's scan in April and one lung was barely visible it was so covered with tumors. Second pic last Tuesday shows two healthy lungs with no sign of a tumor.
Praise God.
Pastor RO's message today was about when things don't go as planned. Hello....... He was preaching to the choir with me in the audience. He also talked about the names of God. One was Jehovah Rapha, the God of healing and restoration. I think when I go into chemo on Tuesday I will address God with that respectful name as I ask again that he heals me and restores my life to me.
Special prayers please today for Ray Price. He is dealing with pancreatic cancer and has had to cancel all but one of his upcoming shows. His song, Faith, is one often performed by Butch Murphy in our church. Butch's version is incredible and brings tears to my eyes every time I hear it.
Precious Father,
Thank You for getting me to church this morning. You know what I was dealing with in trying to get there but we won this morning, didn't we?
Lord, I am so grateful for the healing you have performed for Jo P, not once but twice. Thank You, Father, that the healing is so complete that the enemy is totally destroyed and will never touch her again.
Father, we ask your healing mercies on Ray Price. He has written and performed so many songs to honor You and touched many hearts with them. Bless him, strengthen him and take him through this with ease.
And, Lord, Your name Jehovah Rapha describes you as the God of healing and restoration. I am asking in Jesus' name that Jehovah Rapha touches the chemo I'll be receiving on Tuesday that it moves easily through me, obliterating cancer cells and with no accopanying nausea. Restore my quality of life to before chemo. Chemotherapy is not an excuse for sickness and malaise. Those are tools of the enemy tempting me to stop, to give up and to lose faith. I am stronger than that, Lord. You know that. You created me, You bless me, You favor me, You love me and I am grateful. And I love you.
These things I ask in the name of Jesus Christ, the name above cancer, the name above pain, the name above nausea, the name above all other names.
Amen
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Day 116 Lord, You are so good to me.
I'm excited this morning. Yesterday, around 6pm, the nausea lifted. Praise God. Oh my gosh, it was like an elephant that had been sitting on me just got up and left the room. I vacuumed, washed bedding, folded clothes, two more loads of laundry, even pulled weeds in the front until the mosquitoes sent me in. Still feeling good this morning. Yippee!!
So, while my mind is clear, I want to share this scripture with you because it is one of those that just stays with me and I keep referring back to it. I know there is a huge message in it but my mind has been too fuzzy to concentrate. So now, since I'm lucid today, I have to really work through these few simple words.
"The human spirit is the lamp of the Lord." Proverbs 20:27
Is it God shining through us? How is our spirit an illumination or a light for the Lord? It's like there is something in those words that is important to me but I just can't quite seem to be able to put words to what I think it is. Please share your thoughts with me if this verse speaks to you as well. I know sometimes commenting here is a pain so feel free to email me at jedwardss@aol.com. I guess I'll just keep reciting it aloud and since God inhabits the praise of His children, he'll let me know what it is I am supposed to learn.
I did manage to juice yesterday morning and take some of my supplements, not all. So, today I'm going to juice again and I'm going to paint. Received another inquiry this morning about a commission so I may go ahead and start on that piece. Finishing up some more gallery pieces then a commission to finish and one to start. How awesome is that? I say it again, God is so good to me. Probably more than I deserve but I am His precious child as Melanie is mine and Logan is hers. So wonderful it feels to be a part of His family.
Precious Father God,
I kneel before You this morning in humble gratitude for the feel good that I'm experiencing today. I give You the praise, honor and glory for that and I say thank You, thank You, thank You.
I ask Your help today in using every moment to the fullest as I perform all those simple tasks I've taken for granted forever but now treasure each one that I feel well enough to complete.
Lord, I know I am not the only one dealing with this. Sometimes I forget that. There are those who are sicker, older, weaker, and without the hope that comes with having You as their Lord and Savior.
I am asking your favor and special blessings on each one of them today. Please place someone in their life that can show them exactly how awesome Your love and grace are.
These things I ask in Jesus' precious name.
Amen
So, while my mind is clear, I want to share this scripture with you because it is one of those that just stays with me and I keep referring back to it. I know there is a huge message in it but my mind has been too fuzzy to concentrate. So now, since I'm lucid today, I have to really work through these few simple words.
"The human spirit is the lamp of the Lord." Proverbs 20:27
Is it God shining through us? How is our spirit an illumination or a light for the Lord? It's like there is something in those words that is important to me but I just can't quite seem to be able to put words to what I think it is. Please share your thoughts with me if this verse speaks to you as well. I know sometimes commenting here is a pain so feel free to email me at jedwardss@aol.com. I guess I'll just keep reciting it aloud and since God inhabits the praise of His children, he'll let me know what it is I am supposed to learn.
I did manage to juice yesterday morning and take some of my supplements, not all. So, today I'm going to juice again and I'm going to paint. Received another inquiry this morning about a commission so I may go ahead and start on that piece. Finishing up some more gallery pieces then a commission to finish and one to start. How awesome is that? I say it again, God is so good to me. Probably more than I deserve but I am His precious child as Melanie is mine and Logan is hers. So wonderful it feels to be a part of His family.
Precious Father God,
I kneel before You this morning in humble gratitude for the feel good that I'm experiencing today. I give You the praise, honor and glory for that and I say thank You, thank You, thank You.
I ask Your help today in using every moment to the fullest as I perform all those simple tasks I've taken for granted forever but now treasure each one that I feel well enough to complete.
Lord, I know I am not the only one dealing with this. Sometimes I forget that. There are those who are sicker, older, weaker, and without the hope that comes with having You as their Lord and Savior.
I am asking your favor and special blessings on each one of them today. Please place someone in their life that can show them exactly how awesome Your love and grace are.
These things I ask in Jesus' precious name.
Amen
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Day 114 Victim or Victor?
Stayed off meds yesterday in order to be able to write checks and pay bills. Blurred vision and a fuzzy mind do not make for a good pairing with parceling out money. I had big hopes for this week and so far have had 1/2 day on Monday that I can say I felt good. The upside is that the bad days are far less worse than the bad days last week. Just a few more days and we'll start the process over again. Dr. P is like a puzzle solver and I'm confident that he is going to come up with another solution to at least let me have part of the time when I'm a useful functioning person.
I really need today to talk about my daughter. She is a marvel and at this point in my life she is my fortress. I remember the point when roles reversed and I became the parent and my parents became the children. Melanie is having to deal with that now and I know, for her, it's gotta be difficult. She has her own health issues but I have never ever heard her complain. As a child, her kidneys were damaged and she was cautioned from early on that she should not have children. When she became pregnant, I made most of the dr visits with her where weekly she was advised to terminate her pregnancy. No! A risky pregnancy, an even riskier delivery and for the next 13 years her kidney function was at only 30%. Lots of meds, injections, iron infusions and finally 6 years ago her kidneys gave out. An incredibly successful transplant from a then healthy me and she never missed a beat. Juggling sometimes over 30 pills a day, holding down a demanding job, being mother and now wife also, keeping up a healthy lifestyle and no one can believe she is a transplant patient. Never a complaint about all the antirejection meds. Never a complaint about anything. Just get it done. Now its time for her to have a colonoscopy and more complications. What meds can be stopped for the cleanse? Which doctor can do what? Still no complaints.
Me......... another story. When I'm deep into the chemo haze and sobbing that I would rather die, sweet Mel just listens, consoles and does what she can to help me get through. Oh my gosh, I've turned into a drama queen. I've turned into my mother, for goodness sake. Who would have thought? Certainly not me. Not only do I look more and more like her............when she was 90!..........but I sound more and more like her and I think I whine just like her. Oh, poor poor Mel. I certainly never intended to burden her with this.
I do hope that some of Mel's strength and good characteristics come from me. We're both pretty stubborn. Everyone wants to do things for me and I have to admit that while I was in Walmart on Tuesday trying to pick up everything I needed I wondered why I didn't take someone up on running to the store for me. And why I didn't accept Tineke's offer to stay with her through chemo. And why didn't I stay with Mel as she asked me to last week through the worst part of the chemo. Here is the reason and also here is the reason, I think, for Mel's strength and independence. I am only now realizing that a serious health issue takes over your life. For me, it has been like all of a sudden I have no control over my life. I am shuttled from one doctor to another, told to do this and to do that, to take this and to take that. That last stubborn decision, wise or not, to stay at my home and to shop for my own groceries whenever I can and to drive myself to chemo is taking back some of the control that I've had to relinquish. I suppose it is what in the long run is going to take me from victim to victor.
This is my sweet girl on the left, her best friend forever, Jackie, then me before surgery and the beautiful lady on the right is friend Renee that we have prayed for many times here as she fights breast cancer and wins that battle.
Today I am asking for prayer for support of my daughter, Melanie.
Precious Lord,
I knew she was an incredible gift when You gave her to me but I had no idea what a gift she would turn out to be for my entire life.
I ask Your healing mercies on Melanie today. I ask that you strengthen her body to deal with fewer and fewer medications. I ask for a perfect report for her colonoscopy so that this disease that seems to have taken hold in my family has no chance to touch her life.
Lord, You know how much Melanie loves You and what a witness she is for You. Keep her strong in her roles as wife and mother and daughter. What a blessing she is to everyone who knows her.
I ask these things in the name of Jesus Christ, the name above all names.
Amen
I really need today to talk about my daughter. She is a marvel and at this point in my life she is my fortress. I remember the point when roles reversed and I became the parent and my parents became the children. Melanie is having to deal with that now and I know, for her, it's gotta be difficult. She has her own health issues but I have never ever heard her complain. As a child, her kidneys were damaged and she was cautioned from early on that she should not have children. When she became pregnant, I made most of the dr visits with her where weekly she was advised to terminate her pregnancy. No! A risky pregnancy, an even riskier delivery and for the next 13 years her kidney function was at only 30%. Lots of meds, injections, iron infusions and finally 6 years ago her kidneys gave out. An incredibly successful transplant from a then healthy me and she never missed a beat. Juggling sometimes over 30 pills a day, holding down a demanding job, being mother and now wife also, keeping up a healthy lifestyle and no one can believe she is a transplant patient. Never a complaint about all the antirejection meds. Never a complaint about anything. Just get it done. Now its time for her to have a colonoscopy and more complications. What meds can be stopped for the cleanse? Which doctor can do what? Still no complaints.
Me......... another story. When I'm deep into the chemo haze and sobbing that I would rather die, sweet Mel just listens, consoles and does what she can to help me get through. Oh my gosh, I've turned into a drama queen. I've turned into my mother, for goodness sake. Who would have thought? Certainly not me. Not only do I look more and more like her............when she was 90!..........but I sound more and more like her and I think I whine just like her. Oh, poor poor Mel. I certainly never intended to burden her with this.
I do hope that some of Mel's strength and good characteristics come from me. We're both pretty stubborn. Everyone wants to do things for me and I have to admit that while I was in Walmart on Tuesday trying to pick up everything I needed I wondered why I didn't take someone up on running to the store for me. And why I didn't accept Tineke's offer to stay with her through chemo. And why didn't I stay with Mel as she asked me to last week through the worst part of the chemo. Here is the reason and also here is the reason, I think, for Mel's strength and independence. I am only now realizing that a serious health issue takes over your life. For me, it has been like all of a sudden I have no control over my life. I am shuttled from one doctor to another, told to do this and to do that, to take this and to take that. That last stubborn decision, wise or not, to stay at my home and to shop for my own groceries whenever I can and to drive myself to chemo is taking back some of the control that I've had to relinquish. I suppose it is what in the long run is going to take me from victim to victor.
This is my sweet girl on the left, her best friend forever, Jackie, then me before surgery and the beautiful lady on the right is friend Renee that we have prayed for many times here as she fights breast cancer and wins that battle.
Today I am asking for prayer for support of my daughter, Melanie.
Precious Lord,
I knew she was an incredible gift when You gave her to me but I had no idea what a gift she would turn out to be for my entire life.
I ask Your healing mercies on Melanie today. I ask that you strengthen her body to deal with fewer and fewer medications. I ask for a perfect report for her colonoscopy so that this disease that seems to have taken hold in my family has no chance to touch her life.
Lord, You know how much Melanie loves You and what a witness she is for You. Keep her strong in her roles as wife and mother and daughter. What a blessing she is to everyone who knows her.
I ask these things in the name of Jesus Christ, the name above all names.
Amen
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Day 112 Lots to think about today........
Nausea back this morning so I'm back on meds. I was happy to be med free yesterday and am grateful for that day. Thank You Father. Yesterday was a day of hope and looking forward. I am usually not a forward looking person. Why? For some reason my life seems to have always been so focused on the task at hand and concentrating on getting that done that I really don't lift my head to look forward. It may sound like that is living in the moment and I guess in a way it is, but mostly it's just being task oriented. Anyway, yesterday I began to plan for AC, "after chemo". I have not done that since diagnosis except when I thought I was going to just dance through chemo since I had taken such good care of myself. I've been so focused on getting through any given day that I forgot to look forward, to remember that in 4 1/2 more months, God willing, I'll be done with this.
I was awake early this morning and moved from the bed to the couch. It gives me a straight view out the leaded glass window in my front door to an overgrown tree. When the sun starts to come up, the foilage picks up turquoise, pink, red, yellow and lime green through the glass. If you're familiar with my art, you know I paint trees. I paint all sorts of trees, but it's almost always trees. I've painted red trees and green trees and occasionally a blue tree or a purple tree but never used all of these colors in one tree. Why not? It is what I saw through the glass and I am, after all, an artist.
So, besides painting a multicolored tree, what do I have to think about? These are some things. How can I simplify my life even more than before? How can I fit in more trips to the water? I'm thinking that after chemo, I just want to paint and travel. I don't want to worry about anything other than that. That and staying connected to my Lord and Savoir and finishing up Christian Courses. I'm not sure about doing more outdoor art festivals. That's a decision for AC. I love the shows but lots of stress involved in the travel, setup and takedown and, as most of you know, I do this by myself. I want to take art classes in new techniques I've never tried before. Maybe I should look up what is being offered in the spring that I might want to take advantage of. I want to visit my cousin in North Carolina, my sister in Phoenix, my niece in Oklahoma, my cousin in Atlanta. I want to visit the art communities in Washington and Oregon and Kentucky. Why do I wait for a life threatening illness before doing these things?
Every morning when I turn on my computer, I am fed spiritually from so many different places. Daily Word. Pastor Anthony Dubose posts a scripture every morning. Weigh Down(no I'm not trying to lose weight but the Focus Up lessons are incredible in reminding us that it is God first).
This morning my sweet daughter sent me Joel Osteen's message for today dealing with getting past dark days. I'm going to share his prayer for the day with you here.
Father God,
I know that You have a wonderful plan and purpose for me. I desire to be in right standing with You. Show me Your ways and teach me to walk righteously before You. Shine Your light in my heart and give me strength to pursue the path in store for me.
In Jesus' name.
Amen
I was awake early this morning and moved from the bed to the couch. It gives me a straight view out the leaded glass window in my front door to an overgrown tree. When the sun starts to come up, the foilage picks up turquoise, pink, red, yellow and lime green through the glass. If you're familiar with my art, you know I paint trees. I paint all sorts of trees, but it's almost always trees. I've painted red trees and green trees and occasionally a blue tree or a purple tree but never used all of these colors in one tree. Why not? It is what I saw through the glass and I am, after all, an artist.
So, besides painting a multicolored tree, what do I have to think about? These are some things. How can I simplify my life even more than before? How can I fit in more trips to the water? I'm thinking that after chemo, I just want to paint and travel. I don't want to worry about anything other than that. That and staying connected to my Lord and Savoir and finishing up Christian Courses. I'm not sure about doing more outdoor art festivals. That's a decision for AC. I love the shows but lots of stress involved in the travel, setup and takedown and, as most of you know, I do this by myself. I want to take art classes in new techniques I've never tried before. Maybe I should look up what is being offered in the spring that I might want to take advantage of. I want to visit my cousin in North Carolina, my sister in Phoenix, my niece in Oklahoma, my cousin in Atlanta. I want to visit the art communities in Washington and Oregon and Kentucky. Why do I wait for a life threatening illness before doing these things?
Every morning when I turn on my computer, I am fed spiritually from so many different places. Daily Word. Pastor Anthony Dubose posts a scripture every morning. Weigh Down(no I'm not trying to lose weight but the Focus Up lessons are incredible in reminding us that it is God first).
This morning my sweet daughter sent me Joel Osteen's message for today dealing with getting past dark days. I'm going to share his prayer for the day with you here.
Father God,
I know that You have a wonderful plan and purpose for me. I desire to be in right standing with You. Show me Your ways and teach me to walk righteously before You. Shine Your light in my heart and give me strength to pursue the path in store for me.
In Jesus' name.
Amen
Monday, August 13, 2012
Day 111 Hell Week #3...........Done!
Another bad one but not as bad as #2 so I feel like maybe I'm moving in a positive direction. If I can stop crying, that is. What a weinie, whiney wimp I've become. I am so over myself right now. Me, the queen of positive mental attitude and taking action............ Well, if you've seen me lately, you know that's not the case. Down almost 20 lbs. My hair is a gray mop of limp strands. I avoid the mirror at all costs.
Now for the good news. Today is Day #1 of Good Week. I'm up early. Have vacuumed, returned ancient emails and I'm hungry. If you've emailed in the past two weeks and I haven't responded, chalk it up to chemo brain because somewhere in there I think I've written you back. I have two paintings to ship out to collectors today. Going for bloodwork because my cancer numbers were way up last week and Dr. P wants another check. Great. That was not anything I wanted to hear. Then I'm going to let Roxie take a whack at doing something with my hair. I think if I don't look so bad maybe I won't feel so bad. Probably by then I'll need a real for sure healing nap.
I made a quick trip out to Papershell yesterday and left some paintings. One is my gorgeous Classic Tulips. It's a watercolor I painted a couple of years ago and one of the few pieces I've kept hanging in my home. I just think that now is time to pass it on. If you're in the Houston area, Papershell is on FM 2218 just off 59South. Elizabeth has created an oasis of color and beauty there. Her husband Tom has the Papercup, a beer garden specializing in Texas artisan beer and she turned the old farm house into an art gallery. Cool lemonade and cookies are always on the table and I promise you'll enjoy your visit. www.thepapershell.com Check it out.
Melanie gave me a journal last year called Beautiful Memories. I've used it to write my favorite verses. You know the ones, the ones you can't always remember but want to refer back to over and over. The verses that give you comfort and are sort of like a huge warm hug when you read them. I need these. Deep in the middle of last week, when I should have been calling on Jesus for help, I just wallowed in my own misery. Now that I'm out of it, these verses are like a breath of fresh air.
"Being confident of this that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion."
2 Corinthians 10:4-5
"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, 'This is the way, walk in it.'"
Isaiah 30:21
"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear, I will help you."
Isaiah 41:13
Oddly enough, most of the most comforting verses are from Isaiah. Earlier this year I read through Isaiah and I didn't receive the words at that time like I do now. You know the old saying, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." Not sure if it was meant exactly for this situation but it certainly fits.
Thank You Precious Lord for Your words of comfort. Only You know how badly I need them. Only You know what it is I need to hear, to read, to see. You are always there for me. The only separation is when I put myself before you. Please forgive me today for the whining and self pity. Give me the strength I need to fight this ugly and destructive enemy. That strength can only come from You and it can only fortify me if I allow myself to receive it. I need You now more than ever Lord.
I ask your favor and healing blessings today on every other person out there fighting this same enemy. I ask for a good report for friend Frank and for healing for E's sister.
Thank You, Father, for the prayer buddies that pray with me daily. Bless each one of them many times over for every prayer they offer up for another.
These things I ask in the name of Jesus Christ, the name above pain, the name above cancer, the name above illnesses of all kinds.
Amen
Now for the good news. Today is Day #1 of Good Week. I'm up early. Have vacuumed, returned ancient emails and I'm hungry. If you've emailed in the past two weeks and I haven't responded, chalk it up to chemo brain because somewhere in there I think I've written you back. I have two paintings to ship out to collectors today. Going for bloodwork because my cancer numbers were way up last week and Dr. P wants another check. Great. That was not anything I wanted to hear. Then I'm going to let Roxie take a whack at doing something with my hair. I think if I don't look so bad maybe I won't feel so bad. Probably by then I'll need a real for sure healing nap.
I made a quick trip out to Papershell yesterday and left some paintings. One is my gorgeous Classic Tulips. It's a watercolor I painted a couple of years ago and one of the few pieces I've kept hanging in my home. I just think that now is time to pass it on. If you're in the Houston area, Papershell is on FM 2218 just off 59South. Elizabeth has created an oasis of color and beauty there. Her husband Tom has the Papercup, a beer garden specializing in Texas artisan beer and she turned the old farm house into an art gallery. Cool lemonade and cookies are always on the table and I promise you'll enjoy your visit. www.thepapershell.com Check it out.
Melanie gave me a journal last year called Beautiful Memories. I've used it to write my favorite verses. You know the ones, the ones you can't always remember but want to refer back to over and over. The verses that give you comfort and are sort of like a huge warm hug when you read them. I need these. Deep in the middle of last week, when I should have been calling on Jesus for help, I just wallowed in my own misery. Now that I'm out of it, these verses are like a breath of fresh air.
"Being confident of this that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion."
2 Corinthians 10:4-5
"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, 'This is the way, walk in it.'"
Isaiah 30:21
"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear, I will help you."
Isaiah 41:13
Oddly enough, most of the most comforting verses are from Isaiah. Earlier this year I read through Isaiah and I didn't receive the words at that time like I do now. You know the old saying, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." Not sure if it was meant exactly for this situation but it certainly fits.
Thank You Precious Lord for Your words of comfort. Only You know how badly I need them. Only You know what it is I need to hear, to read, to see. You are always there for me. The only separation is when I put myself before you. Please forgive me today for the whining and self pity. Give me the strength I need to fight this ugly and destructive enemy. That strength can only come from You and it can only fortify me if I allow myself to receive it. I need You now more than ever Lord.
I ask your favor and healing blessings today on every other person out there fighting this same enemy. I ask for a good report for friend Frank and for healing for E's sister.
Thank You, Father, for the prayer buddies that pray with me daily. Bless each one of them many times over for every prayer they offer up for another.
These things I ask in the name of Jesus Christ, the name above pain, the name above cancer, the name above illnesses of all kinds.
Amen
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Day 106 Learning More and More Every Day
A good report today. Yayyyyy!!!!!!!! First day of treatment with my new oncologist. When I wrote that I felt like I had upgraded from McDonalds to Tonys, that was not an understatement. I can only say that my first two treatments were brutal in comparison to the treatment I had yesterday.
First was the standard infusion of benadryl and steroids. Dr #1 used a syringe and pumped it so fast into the port that fumes from the chemical came up through my nose and mouth. Yesterday, it was given in a gentle drip with only the smallest sense of the chemicals. Dr. P, my new onco, was in the room the whole time monitoring the condition of everyone undergoing treatment. A sweet nurse actually administered the meds, explaining every dose.
Before I went in for treatment, Dr P sat with me and asked lots of questions and then explained what he was going to try with me to make sure the nausea was minimized as much as possible. He changed what I was taking for the diarrhea to an otc med. There is a three dose nausea med that is very expensive but he had a sample for me to use the first time. It's very expensive and we're waiting now for insurance to approve it. He changed the other nausea med that wasn't working to an oldtime one that seems to work well for me. Just got a call from Dr P's office that insurance approved the med. Oh, and I don't go for additional infusion on day 2. Just day1 and then the pump thru day 3 when it comes off.
Praise God.
My next challenge is one of forgiveness. I do feel anger right now for the oncologist that treated me so poorly. I don't want to feel anger because it will inhibit my healing so I will work on that the next few days.
Side effects? Yes there are still some. First of all, I'm really shaky, not just my hands but my voice too. Sometimes when I talk I almost don't recognize my voice but I'm sure that will subside after a couple of days. Rocks in my throat when I drink anything that isn't warm and my first bite of food sets off nerves in the back of my jaw to underneath my ears. I can tolerate these things easily. Actually I'm feeling so good I think I may go to the store today and get some stuff to make soup. I usually use chicken but since dark meat turkey is antiangiogenesis, I may try making a pot with a turkey leg for the meat.
I saw this pic today on FB and had to share. This precious baby is fighting cancer so we sure want to pray for him today.
I received a prayer request yesterday that our co-pastor at Texas Cowboy Church, Laurie, was notified that her aunt has been diagnosed with colon cancer and will be undergoing tests the next few days to determine treatment. I am passing that prayer request on to you, that she is guided to the right doctors and that God's hand is with her and her physicians.
Precious Father,
I thank You for this glorious day. I thank You for my wellbeing. I thank You for my new oncologist. I ask Your help in forgiving the other doctor because I know that only by forgiving him can You forgive me for my sins and shortcomings.
Today Lord, I ask special blessings on the little boy whose picture I shared today. I don't know him personally but You do. Give him, his parents and his doctors the strength and guidance to defeat this hated enemy so that he can live a long life as a testament of Your healing power. And special blessings on Laurie's aunt, that she have the knowledge of your healing power and guidance in making decisions about her treatments.
Isaiah said in verse 58:8 Then your light shall break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up quickly.."
Let Your healing spring up quickly for all of us in our battle with this enemy, defeating it on every front from which it attacks us. We are free of cancer.
In Jesus' precious name, the one true Messiah,
Amen
First was the standard infusion of benadryl and steroids. Dr #1 used a syringe and pumped it so fast into the port that fumes from the chemical came up through my nose and mouth. Yesterday, it was given in a gentle drip with only the smallest sense of the chemicals. Dr. P, my new onco, was in the room the whole time monitoring the condition of everyone undergoing treatment. A sweet nurse actually administered the meds, explaining every dose.
Before I went in for treatment, Dr P sat with me and asked lots of questions and then explained what he was going to try with me to make sure the nausea was minimized as much as possible. He changed what I was taking for the diarrhea to an otc med. There is a three dose nausea med that is very expensive but he had a sample for me to use the first time. It's very expensive and we're waiting now for insurance to approve it. He changed the other nausea med that wasn't working to an oldtime one that seems to work well for me. Just got a call from Dr P's office that insurance approved the med. Oh, and I don't go for additional infusion on day 2. Just day1 and then the pump thru day 3 when it comes off.
Praise God.
My next challenge is one of forgiveness. I do feel anger right now for the oncologist that treated me so poorly. I don't want to feel anger because it will inhibit my healing so I will work on that the next few days.
Side effects? Yes there are still some. First of all, I'm really shaky, not just my hands but my voice too. Sometimes when I talk I almost don't recognize my voice but I'm sure that will subside after a couple of days. Rocks in my throat when I drink anything that isn't warm and my first bite of food sets off nerves in the back of my jaw to underneath my ears. I can tolerate these things easily. Actually I'm feeling so good I think I may go to the store today and get some stuff to make soup. I usually use chicken but since dark meat turkey is antiangiogenesis, I may try making a pot with a turkey leg for the meat.
I saw this pic today on FB and had to share. This precious baby is fighting cancer so we sure want to pray for him today.
It reminds me of when my Mel was that age at Texas Children's having her first kidney surgery. Thanks to God and good doctors, she didn't need another surgery until she was 40 and I got to contribute to that one. Six years later she's in perfect health and now worrying about her Mom instead of the other way around. I received a prayer request yesterday that our co-pastor at Texas Cowboy Church, Laurie, was notified that her aunt has been diagnosed with colon cancer and will be undergoing tests the next few days to determine treatment. I am passing that prayer request on to you, that she is guided to the right doctors and that God's hand is with her and her physicians.
Precious Father,
I thank You for this glorious day. I thank You for my wellbeing. I thank You for my new oncologist. I ask Your help in forgiving the other doctor because I know that only by forgiving him can You forgive me for my sins and shortcomings.
Today Lord, I ask special blessings on the little boy whose picture I shared today. I don't know him personally but You do. Give him, his parents and his doctors the strength and guidance to defeat this hated enemy so that he can live a long life as a testament of Your healing power. And special blessings on Laurie's aunt, that she have the knowledge of your healing power and guidance in making decisions about her treatments.
Isaiah said in verse 58:8 Then your light shall break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up quickly.."
Let Your healing spring up quickly for all of us in our battle with this enemy, defeating it on every front from which it attacks us. We are free of cancer.
In Jesus' precious name, the one true Messiah,
Amen
Monday, August 6, 2012
Day 104 A Balancing Act
I'm actually feeling pretty good this morning after a not so good Sunday. Yay!!! Just in time for another round of chemo starting tomorrow. I'm so hopeful for different results on this round. I ate very little yesterday. Wonder if that made a difference? Maybe my tummy just doesn't want the food yet that I've been trying to eat in hopes of keeping my strength up. Hmmmmm........ This truly is a balancing act.
I got in a little painting yesterday and have some things complete to ship. Two commissions and paintings to galleries. I've done some sketching for my chemo painting. Not quite satisfied with the layout yet but I'll get there. Today is a trip to UPS, Hobby Lobby for some supplies, LabCorp for bloodwork and then home to finish up a large commission, get it photo'd and sent to collector.
I have been avoiding mirrors as much as I can. Had to sit down this morning to put on some makeup and it was a little scary. First of all, my eyes look pretty swollen but at the same time sort of sunken. Yikes. I don't think I can putty enough concealer into those crevices under my eyes to look normal. I'm pale and pasty but a little bronzer took care of that. On my face, anyway. The hands and arms are crisco white but I have some moisturizer with a little bronzer in it. Guess I'll pull that out but I sort of hesitate. I don't want to absorb any strange chemicals through my skin. Oh well, I guess being pale is the least of my problems right now. Silly woman.
Friend Cliffa's precious little book, Streams in the Desert, has this to say in today's devotional:
Sometimes God causes severe winds of trial to blow upon His children to develop their gifts. Just as a torch burns more brightly when waved back and forth, and just as a juniper plant smells sweetest when thrown into the flames, so the richest qualities of a Christian often arise under the strong winds of suffering and adversity. Bruised hearts often emit the fragrance that God loves to smell.
That really is a great reminder to me to use this experience for my best and highest good. Sometimes when I'm wallowing in self pity, I forget that. But words like those above and those of George Rodrigue that I share on Saturday are such important reminders for me. I hope that they also remind others of you reading this who are dealing with trials.
Precious Lord,
Thank You for the words of inspiration that You send to me from so many different places. I'm truly grateful for the words of others that encourage me to be a better pilgrim on this journey. I ask today Father that You let my words reach others and that I can pass on that same encouragement to them.
Father, I ask your healing comfort, grace and blessings on every warrior out there fighting this terrible enemy. Give us all the strength and power to see this battle through to the very end, accepting only complete victory as the final outcome.
It's all You, Father. It's all You.
In Jesus' precious name,
Amen
I got in a little painting yesterday and have some things complete to ship. Two commissions and paintings to galleries. I've done some sketching for my chemo painting. Not quite satisfied with the layout yet but I'll get there. Today is a trip to UPS, Hobby Lobby for some supplies, LabCorp for bloodwork and then home to finish up a large commission, get it photo'd and sent to collector.
I have been avoiding mirrors as much as I can. Had to sit down this morning to put on some makeup and it was a little scary. First of all, my eyes look pretty swollen but at the same time sort of sunken. Yikes. I don't think I can putty enough concealer into those crevices under my eyes to look normal. I'm pale and pasty but a little bronzer took care of that. On my face, anyway. The hands and arms are crisco white but I have some moisturizer with a little bronzer in it. Guess I'll pull that out but I sort of hesitate. I don't want to absorb any strange chemicals through my skin. Oh well, I guess being pale is the least of my problems right now. Silly woman.
Friend Cliffa's precious little book, Streams in the Desert, has this to say in today's devotional:
Sometimes God causes severe winds of trial to blow upon His children to develop their gifts. Just as a torch burns more brightly when waved back and forth, and just as a juniper plant smells sweetest when thrown into the flames, so the richest qualities of a Christian often arise under the strong winds of suffering and adversity. Bruised hearts often emit the fragrance that God loves to smell.
That really is a great reminder to me to use this experience for my best and highest good. Sometimes when I'm wallowing in self pity, I forget that. But words like those above and those of George Rodrigue that I share on Saturday are such important reminders for me. I hope that they also remind others of you reading this who are dealing with trials.
Precious Lord,
Thank You for the words of inspiration that You send to me from so many different places. I'm truly grateful for the words of others that encourage me to be a better pilgrim on this journey. I ask today Father that You let my words reach others and that I can pass on that same encouragement to them.
Father, I ask your healing comfort, grace and blessings on every warrior out there fighting this terrible enemy. Give us all the strength and power to see this battle through to the very end, accepting only complete victory as the final outcome.
It's all You, Father. It's all You.
In Jesus' precious name,
Amen
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Day 102 Back in the Haze
Not as bad as before but the chemo haze is back. Yesterday was great. Nausea made it's scheduled 1:30pm appearance but I have learned something. It is sort of like when I was in grade school and two kids had hold of a long rope at either end during recess. The would swing it round and round and I stood on the side waiting for the right time to jump in with the other girls to keep time jumping rope. What I have learned is to wait for the break in the cycle of nausea to use that break to jump in and eat and get in painting or vacuum or load the dishwasher. It's all about timing and I'm getting pretty good at it.
On Facebook today, Wendy Rodrigue who is married to Blue Dog artist, George Rodrigue, writes about their unexpected stay in Houston this summer for treatment of an illness George is dealing with. If you're familiar with his art, you know the charm of his Blue Dog paintings and other paintings of Louisiana bayou country. Wendy quotes George during this time and I think it's a significant statement that I can identify with.
"I'm recycling my life. I didn't expect this new experience, and we should make as much of it as we can, because we're all living in the moment, whatever that may be."
She speaks of his not being able to paint this summer and how he misses it. I understand. I don't mean to say that misery enjoys company. That's pretty shallow. But I guess in a way there's a comfort in knowing that I am not the only artist dealing with this right now. To read more of Wendy's musings, follow her at www.wendyrodrigue.com .
Artist friend, Hannah Dreiss, who is fighting her own battle with this enemy, just posted her latest creation on Facebook. She made this piece from recycled aluminum cans. You can follow her on FB at Hannah Dreiss.
On Facebook today, Wendy Rodrigue who is married to Blue Dog artist, George Rodrigue, writes about their unexpected stay in Houston this summer for treatment of an illness George is dealing with. If you're familiar with his art, you know the charm of his Blue Dog paintings and other paintings of Louisiana bayou country. Wendy quotes George during this time and I think it's a significant statement that I can identify with.
"I'm recycling my life. I didn't expect this new experience, and we should make as much of it as we can, because we're all living in the moment, whatever that may be."
She speaks of his not being able to paint this summer and how he misses it. I understand. I don't mean to say that misery enjoys company. That's pretty shallow. But I guess in a way there's a comfort in knowing that I am not the only artist dealing with this right now. To read more of Wendy's musings, follow her at www.wendyrodrigue.com .
Artist friend, Hannah Dreiss, who is fighting her own battle with this enemy, just posted her latest creation on Facebook. She made this piece from recycled aluminum cans. You can follow her on FB at Hannah Dreiss.
She is working now on one of Frida Kahlo. Can't wait to see that.
So, here I am at the computer and I can honestly say that I feel better having written this blog today. Maybe it's taking the focus off myself for a while. I try to do that daily and Focus Up but sometimes I fail at that. I'm excited for George and for Hannah and for the creations that they are working on now to share their joy of creativity with the world. I'm excited for me as well as I get up from here to go into the studio and start to work on my own creations.
Precious Lord,
I thank You for this day. I thank You for the strength I have to paint and to write and just be in Your world today.
I ask special healing blessings today on George and on Hannah and on me. Thank You Lord for that creative spark that You placed within me and for opening the Heavens, the storehouse of Your bounty, to bless the work of my hands.
You are the first and the ultimate Creator and You, above all, understand the joy of a completed piece.
Thank You Lord. Thank You.
In Jesus' name,
Amen
Friday, August 3, 2012
Day 101 Out of the Haze
I woke at 5:30am this morning. Shades of the old me. Praise God. I've been up for about 3 hours and so far only minor nausea. At least not enough to require a med. I watered my poor front lawn and flowerbed that is now a weedbed and took Chipper for a short walk. What an awesome start to a great day for me.
" And be thankful." Colossians 3:15
My visit with the surgeon went well yesterday. He's very proud of his handiwork and so am I. Happened to run into a friend in the waiting room who had a minor procedure last week and was there for her pathology report. It was a good report. Thank You Father.
I now have four good days before chemo starts again and I am going to be sure to make the best of them. Yes, rest. Yes, eat right. Yes, paint. I am pretty weak still but I know I need more exercise. I'm thinking that maybe I should try to schedule a trip to a store daily so that I can walk around the store in a/c out of the heat and sunlight. Maybe Home Depot today. That way I've got a buggy to lean on if I get tired. I need some sponge brushes for glazing on my paintings and I always like to spend a lot of time in the paint department looking at the new colors and bright brochures they have there. Color just cheers me up. I'm so lucky to have HD, Hobby Lobby and soon a Michaels just minutes from my home. Tons of new stores popping up daily and there just for me and my exercise. I should take advantage.
Precious Lord,
I feel so good today and so strong and confident that I'll complete this journey and come out a victor at the end. I ask that You instill that same confidence in the other warriors fighting this enemy. Let them take with them today the knowledge that You are there, surrounding them with your healing love and fortifying them for the battle to come.
Father, I praise You. I love You so much and I bow before You in gratitude for all You do for me every day. I make this journey with You and for You.
In Jesus' name,
Amen
" And be thankful." Colossians 3:15
My visit with the surgeon went well yesterday. He's very proud of his handiwork and so am I. Happened to run into a friend in the waiting room who had a minor procedure last week and was there for her pathology report. It was a good report. Thank You Father.
I now have four good days before chemo starts again and I am going to be sure to make the best of them. Yes, rest. Yes, eat right. Yes, paint. I am pretty weak still but I know I need more exercise. I'm thinking that maybe I should try to schedule a trip to a store daily so that I can walk around the store in a/c out of the heat and sunlight. Maybe Home Depot today. That way I've got a buggy to lean on if I get tired. I need some sponge brushes for glazing on my paintings and I always like to spend a lot of time in the paint department looking at the new colors and bright brochures they have there. Color just cheers me up. I'm so lucky to have HD, Hobby Lobby and soon a Michaels just minutes from my home. Tons of new stores popping up daily and there just for me and my exercise. I should take advantage.
Precious Lord,
I feel so good today and so strong and confident that I'll complete this journey and come out a victor at the end. I ask that You instill that same confidence in the other warriors fighting this enemy. Let them take with them today the knowledge that You are there, surrounding them with your healing love and fortifying them for the battle to come.
Father, I praise You. I love You so much and I bow before You in gratitude for all You do for me every day. I make this journey with You and for You.
In Jesus' name,
Amen
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Day 99 Looking Up
I am finally feeling better today. Nausea seems to have a witching hour and that is early afternoon. I did fight it yesterday and managed to get in about 2 hours of painting. I intend to spend more time painting today. Thank You, God. My challenge now is to eat foods nutrient rich enough to make sure my bloodwork is okay on Monday so I don't have to delay chemo. One blood building food is liver which may explain the unreasonable craving I had for chicken livers a few weeks back and ate only that for two days. Not sure my stomach is up to that this time but lean red meat along with leafy greens is a good alternative. I can do that. Can't worry about alkaline or antiangiogenesis diet right now. What a balancing act this is turning out to be. But, for today anyway, I'm up for it.
Something else I want to share with you. Everyone at some time or other deals with intestinal disorders. Since mine has lasted two months, you have to agree that I must have a unique insight into the best toilet paper out there. Whether you call it Montezuma's Revenge or the Texas Two Step, it can make for some really uncomfortable side effects. Well, not to worry. Charmin has come to the rescue of any and all sufferers with their Charmin Sensitive. Some genius added aloe lotion to Kleenex a while back for anyone dealing with a runny nose and now a double genius has added it to toilet paper. Yay! Give that man.... or most likely a woman.... an award. It's awesome!!
Throughout this journey, I have never asked "Why me?" But I have wondered "Why?" I am secure in the knowledge that the "Why?" is answered every time I am able to bring someone's name to all of you to ask for intercessory prayer on their behalf. Today, I ask that you hold friend, Frank, up in prayer. A kind and loving man, good father, good husband and member of God's family, Frank is seeing an oncologist today for a diagnosis.
Precious Father,
I am so grateful for the honor to bring together a group of prayer warriors to support those fighting cancer. Today I ask that You reach out with Your healing hand and touch Frank as he meets with doctors. Touch the medical personnel that he'll be dealing with today so that they make the right decisions regarding him and his treatment. If it is Your will, Lord, let the inherent healing ability that You have placed within each of us take over and eliminate any evidence of the enemy.
I ask that same blessing for all the other victors out there fighting this enemy. We are not victims. We are victors. And we are victors only through Your grace and favor.
We love You, Lord. We honor and praise You.
In Jesus' precious name,
Amen
Something else I want to share with you. Everyone at some time or other deals with intestinal disorders. Since mine has lasted two months, you have to agree that I must have a unique insight into the best toilet paper out there. Whether you call it Montezuma's Revenge or the Texas Two Step, it can make for some really uncomfortable side effects. Well, not to worry. Charmin has come to the rescue of any and all sufferers with their Charmin Sensitive. Some genius added aloe lotion to Kleenex a while back for anyone dealing with a runny nose and now a double genius has added it to toilet paper. Yay! Give that man.... or most likely a woman.... an award. It's awesome!!
Throughout this journey, I have never asked "Why me?" But I have wondered "Why?" I am secure in the knowledge that the "Why?" is answered every time I am able to bring someone's name to all of you to ask for intercessory prayer on their behalf. Today, I ask that you hold friend, Frank, up in prayer. A kind and loving man, good father, good husband and member of God's family, Frank is seeing an oncologist today for a diagnosis.
Precious Father,
I am so grateful for the honor to bring together a group of prayer warriors to support those fighting cancer. Today I ask that You reach out with Your healing hand and touch Frank as he meets with doctors. Touch the medical personnel that he'll be dealing with today so that they make the right decisions regarding him and his treatment. If it is Your will, Lord, let the inherent healing ability that You have placed within each of us take over and eliminate any evidence of the enemy.
I ask that same blessing for all the other victors out there fighting this enemy. We are not victims. We are victors. And we are victors only through Your grace and favor.
We love You, Lord. We honor and praise You.
In Jesus' precious name,
Amen
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