Yesterday, June 2nd, was National Cancer Survivor Day. How appropriate it was that the guest pastor at church was Jesse Lee Turner who has defeated cancer three times. At the end of the service, Pastor RO asked that everyone with cancer, cured of cancer or those standing in for someone with cancer come forward for annointing and had Jesse pray over them. It seemed like a quarter of those present came up to the altar. It is sometimes almost overwhelming how many people have been or will be touched by cancer in their lifetime.
This past Friday, I was at Methodist Hospital bright and early to check in for out patient surgery to finally have my port-a-cath removed. I have put that off for about 3 months longer than I had to waiting until I was sure that I was cured and would no longer need it. My oncologist was sure I was cured and my gastroenterologist was sure I was cured and God was sure I was cured but I wasn't. Lord, please forgive my unbelief. I hung on to it like a security blanket.
Like the good Christian that I am, during quiet time by myself in the prep room, I prayed and thanked God for bringing me through this storm and to the point where I am now. Like the good Christian that I am not, I had an immediate negative reaction to the anesthesiologist who was going to put me under for the procedure. She was fairly young, attractive but with a flat affect to her face and voice, no smile even though I smiled at her and I just did not like her. Wow! Your anesthesiologist probably is not the person you want a bad relationship with going into surgery.
In the past year, I've been put under five times. I was assured this would be light anesthesia yet I ws out for three hours and could hardly talk the rest of the day due to a sore and bruised throat. Do they put a tube down your throat for light anesthesia? I don't think so. Of course, I blamed her. I didn't even like her name. In my mind, I was calling her Dr. Kervorkian. I am writing about this because I am thinking now that maybe my negative feeling toward her resulted in the negative experience with the anesthesia.
So, since Friday, the tape of my conversation with her has been replaying in my mind. Yesterday, I had to recognize it and deal with it before I could take Communion. I asked for forgiveness for being so judgemental. Pastor RO reminds us almost every Sunday that we don't know what other people are going through. Maybe something was going on in her life and I didn't pick up on it and just thought in terms of myself.
A church that I attended years ago stressed the fact that Christ abides in each and every one of us and that we need to recognize the Christ in others. I sometimes forget that each person I deal with is a child of God and that He loves them just as He loves me and that I need to be a reflection of that love. So, since yesterday I have been sending love to that Dr. and blessing her. Has it helped? Maybe a little bit. But I know that if I continue to see her in the light of God's love, those tapes will leave my mind and she and I will both be better for my prayers.
"..I am in my Father, and you are in me and I am in you." John 14:20
"Remain in me, as I also remain in you." John 15:4
Precious Lord, Jehovah Rapha,
Thank You for opening my eyes to my failures so that I can ask forgiveness and correct them. I am so blessed to be a child of the Most High. Remind me daily, Father, of your love for others and show me how I can better share that love with others.
Father, I thank You for the service yesterday and for the prayers of healing that were bestowed on each cancer warrior and on each cancer victor. We each know what it is to stare into the face of the enemy and to come out on the other side and that it is only through Your grace and favor that we are led to that side.
You are the one true God.
In Jesus' healing name.
Amen
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