After all, I do everything I should. I do my best to eat a diet that is low fat, mainly plant based, highly nutritious, antiangiogenesis so that almost everything I eat is geared to inhibiting the growth of blood vessels that feed cancer cells. Since the liver came into the picture as a problem, I've been careful with how much protein I eat, no alcohol, lots of water, fruit, etc. I get plenty of rest. I exercise, not as much as I should, but still I exercise. How much damage can six months of chemo do, for goodness sake?
Okay, I couldn't let it last too long so after a couple of hours dripping with self pity, I forcibly turned that faucet off and went on about the evening. Then...........this morning............ God is so good to me that it made me cry. I am just sometimes so overwhelmed at how He communicates with me. It seems round about but still it's direct and it's so obvious. It isn't a booming voice from the heavens but it might as well be.
Last night, after all that went on, I had a hard time falling asleep. Rather than watch mind numbing tv or read something I couldn't concentrate on, I decided to put on my ear phones and listen to a cd after I got into bed. The top drawer on my night stand is a jumble of mostly out of date prescription bottles of meds I didn't take and all sorts of cd's. My hand fell on one of the cd's, Secrets of the Vine for Women. It is by the wife of Bruce Wilkinson who wrote Secrets of the Vine and The Prayer of Jabez. Years ago we did a study at church on Secrets but I had forgotten most of it. It is based on John 15 when Jesus tells His followers that He is the vine and they are the branches. He correlates the pruning of grapevines to produce more grapes to going through troubles in our lives better enabling us to serve Him. It was just what I needed, but He wasn't through with me yet.
This morning, I decided to go back and reread John 15. My Bible is a study Bible and when I was getting to John 15, the pages fell open to a study page titled Jesus, Your Comfort. I didn't read the whole page but my eyes went straight to two scriptures to look up. The first was Proverbs 29:25.
"...but whoever trusts in the Lord will be kept safe."
The second scripture was in Habakuk. When I turned to it, there was another study page across from it and again the title jumped out at me. Trusting When Tested. I didn't read the page. I didn't need to. I got what He was telling me. Trust Him, no matter what. Here is the scripture He led me to.
"Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the stalls
yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God, my Savior.
The Sovereign Lord is my strength,
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
He enables me to go on the heights."
What an awesome God I serve and what a privilege it is to serve Him. How joyful I am to be counted as one of His own.
Precious Lord, Jehovah Rapha,
I thank You this morning for counting me as one of Your own and for showing me in such a clear and profound way how much You love me, how You take time to teach me and Your patience in allowing me to find my own way. Even though the way is bumpy at times, Father, I trust in You. You are my comfort, my everything.
Father, I thank You for Your Word and for instilling in me the desire to know more about it, to understand it and to love it. I ask that for each of Your children fighting the enemy, that You guide them to the pages and words that will reassure them that You are with them, in the battle and out of the battle.
I love You Lord. It's all You. All You.
These things I pray in the name of Jesus Christ, the name above all names.
Amen
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