Yesterday, Sunday, was the worst day yet. It's hard to describe a feeling of such malaise with nausea overshadowing it all. I know I have to get a grip on my food. I forced down some oatmeal in the morning and 1/2 baked potato at noon. No Coke. Couldn't stand the taste. The nausea meds did nothing. I just lay there. I thought that now I understand how it is when people feel like it's time to die.
Oh for goodness sake, that isn't me. What the heck is going on? Am I just depressed? How can I feel so defeated that I don't even want to go on? I see people all the time dealing with chemo like it's nothing. I've had one round and not even the full dose and I'm ready to give up. I just lay there most of the day. Finally around 2pm, I drug myself into the bathroom to shower and dress. My daughter was back from her honeymoon and I wanted to go see her for a bit. Really, all I wanted to do was go back to bed and cry.
I visited with Mel. I had a hard time focusing but so happy to hear about the wonderful time they had. Then went to Kroger. I decided to buy some frozen dinners to try because everything else in my fridge has already been thrown out or is about to be thrown out. Not sure if I'll eat them but I'll try. I did make a fresh salad there and bought some chicken salad. I came home and ate some of that and I have to admit I did start to feel a little better then. I had some tapioca pudding before bed and that was pretty good too. Maybe there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
My friend, Gracie, sent me an email after reading Saturday's blog. She said to try taking my nausea meds before I ever get out of bed in the morning. I am very bad about taking anything and always wait until the very last minute but I decided to take her advice. I woke around 4am and took one of the pills. I was hungry almost immediately after so I ate a couple of crackers and some more tapioca. I read a while and then back to sleep. It's 9:30am and I'm about to take another pill and eat a little bit more. This might just work. Thank you Gracie!
Praise report from Gracie. She decided a few weeks ago to have a colo/endo done even though it was a few months before she was scheduled. Her stomach was in terrible shape and waiting much longer could have had dire consequences. She reports that her stomach is no longer bleeding and all is looking good. Praise God.
"He is the head over every power and authority." Colossians 2:10
"Now this I know: The Lord gives victory to His anointed. He answers from His heavenly sanctuary with the victorious power of His right hand." Psalm 20:6
Precious Lord,
Thank You for the victory You have given Grace. Bless her with continued victory as her body heals and she is better able to serve You.
I am asking for that same victory Father, not just in my body but I need Your strength in my spirit as well. I know I am not the only one fighting this hated enemy who sometimes feels defeated. With the victorious power of Your right hand show us how to overcome. Guide us in doing what it is we need to do to be strong, determined and of the right mindset to work our way through this journey so that once we're done, it's for good.
Thank You, Father, for everything you do for me every day. I couldn't do this without You. It's all You Father. All You.
I aks these things in the name of Jesus Christ, the name above all names.
Amen
Update: Took my second med on time, went to McD drive thru and got an english muffin and bacon and a cup of coffee. Ate the whole thing and am working on the coffee. Yippee!! Thank you Gracie. Thank You Father.
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