Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Day 112 Lots to think about today........

Nausea back this morning so I'm back on meds.  I was happy to be med free yesterday and am grateful for that day.  Thank You Father.  Yesterday was a day of hope and looking forward.  I am usually not a forward looking person.  Why?  For some reason my life seems to have always been so focused on the task at hand and concentrating on getting that done that I really don't lift my head to look forward.  It may sound like that is living in the moment and I guess in a way it is, but mostly it's just being task oriented.  Anyway, yesterday I began to plan for AC, "after chemo".   I have not done that since diagnosis except when I thought I was going to just dance through chemo since I had taken such good care of myself.  I've been so focused on getting through any given day that I forgot to look forward, to remember that in 4 1/2 more months, God willing, I'll be done with this. 

I was awake early this morning and moved from the bed to the couch.  It gives me a straight view out the leaded glass window in my front door to an overgrown tree.  When the sun starts to come up, the foilage picks up turquoise, pink, red, yellow and lime green through the glass.  If you're familiar with my art, you know I paint trees.   I paint all sorts of trees, but it's almost always trees.  I've painted red trees and green trees and occasionally a blue tree or a purple tree but never used all of these colors in one tree.  Why not?  It is what I saw through the glass and I am, after all, an artist. 

So, besides painting a multicolored tree, what do I have to think about?  These are some things.  How can I simplify my life even more than before?  How can I fit in more trips to the water?  I'm thinking that after chemo, I just want to paint and travel.  I don't want to worry about anything other than that.  That and staying connected to my Lord and Savoir and finishing up Christian Courses.  I'm not sure about doing more outdoor art festivals.  That's a decision for AC.  I love the shows but lots of stress involved in the travel, setup and takedown and, as most of you know, I do this by myself.   I want to take art classes in new techniques I've never tried before.  Maybe I should look up what is being offered in the spring  that I might want to take advantage of.  I want to visit my cousin in North Carolina, my sister in Phoenix, my niece in Oklahoma, my cousin in Atlanta.  I want to visit the art communities in Washington and Oregon and Kentucky.  Why do I wait for a life threatening illness before doing these things? 

Every morning when I turn on my computer, I am fed spiritually from so many different places.  Daily Word.  Pastor Anthony Dubose posts a scripture every morning.  Weigh Down(no I'm not trying to lose weight but the Focus Up lessons are incredible in reminding us that it is God first).
This morning my sweet daughter sent me Joel Osteen's message for today dealing with getting past dark days.  I'm going to share his prayer for the day with you here.

Father God,
I know that You have a wonderful plan and purpose for me.  I desire to be in right standing with You.  Show me Your ways and teach me to walk righteously before You.  Shine Your light in my heart and give me strength to pursue the path in store for me.
In Jesus' name.
Amen

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