Another bad one but not as bad as #2 so I feel like maybe I'm moving in a positive direction. If I can stop crying, that is. What a weinie, whiney wimp I've become. I am so over myself right now. Me, the queen of positive mental attitude and taking action............ Well, if you've seen me lately, you know that's not the case. Down almost 20 lbs. My hair is a gray mop of limp strands. I avoid the mirror at all costs.
Now for the good news. Today is Day #1 of Good Week. I'm up early. Have vacuumed, returned ancient emails and I'm hungry. If you've emailed in the past two weeks and I haven't responded, chalk it up to chemo brain because somewhere in there I think I've written you back. I have two paintings to ship out to collectors today. Going for bloodwork because my cancer numbers were way up last week and Dr. P wants another check. Great. That was not anything I wanted to hear. Then I'm going to let Roxie take a whack at doing something with my hair. I think if I don't look so bad maybe I won't feel so bad. Probably by then I'll need a real for sure healing nap.
I made a quick trip out to Papershell yesterday and left some paintings. One is my gorgeous Classic Tulips. It's a watercolor I painted a couple of years ago and one of the few pieces I've kept hanging in my home. I just think that now is time to pass it on. If you're in the Houston area, Papershell is on FM 2218 just off 59South. Elizabeth has created an oasis of color and beauty there. Her husband Tom has the Papercup, a beer garden specializing in Texas artisan beer and she turned the old farm house into an art gallery. Cool lemonade and cookies are always on the table and I promise you'll enjoy your visit. www.thepapershell.com Check it out.
Melanie gave me a journal last year called Beautiful Memories. I've used it to write my favorite verses. You know the ones, the ones you can't always remember but want to refer back to over and over. The verses that give you comfort and are sort of like a huge warm hug when you read them. I need these. Deep in the middle of last week, when I should have been calling on Jesus for help, I just wallowed in my own misery. Now that I'm out of it, these verses are like a breath of fresh air.
"Being confident of this that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion."
2 Corinthians 10:4-5
"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, 'This is the way, walk in it.'"
Isaiah 30:21
"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear, I will help you."
Isaiah 41:13
Oddly enough, most of the most comforting verses are from Isaiah. Earlier this year I read through Isaiah and I didn't receive the words at that time like I do now. You know the old saying, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." Not sure if it was meant exactly for this situation but it certainly fits.
Thank You Precious Lord for Your words of comfort. Only You know how badly I need them. Only You know what it is I need to hear, to read, to see. You are always there for me. The only separation is when I put myself before you. Please forgive me today for the whining and self pity. Give me the strength I need to fight this ugly and destructive enemy. That strength can only come from You and it can only fortify me if I allow myself to receive it. I need You now more than ever Lord.
I ask your favor and healing blessings today on every other person out there fighting this same enemy. I ask for a good report for friend Frank and for healing for E's sister.
Thank You, Father, for the prayer buddies that pray with me daily. Bless each one of them many times over for every prayer they offer up for another.
These things I ask in the name of Jesus Christ, the name above pain, the name above cancer, the name above illnesses of all kinds.
Amen
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