Me me me me me me ................ I'm feeling sick of me this morning. I didn't write yesterday because I slept almost all day except for a short trip to pick up some art from a show. Friday was a productive day, so what's the deal? Oh my gosh, could it be depression? I don't get depressed. I'm either feeling really sick or feeling less sick, but not depressed. Maybe it's because I'm disappointed that I don't feel better this week off from joy juice. I don't know. Whatever it is, I don't feel like doing anything.
I had planned on church this morning. That means shower, wash my hair and try to fix it which is becoming a more and more hopeless job. I don't have the energy to shop for a wig. Guess I could order something off the net which is what I do with almost everything. Or I could just leave it and quit worrying about it. No one really cares about how my hair looks except me.
My gosh, what a pity party today. How much sadder could that be? Maybe it's the weather. Overcast and dreary. I actually like rainy weather so it can't be that. I don't know. I probably should erase this maudlin diatribe. It could be so much worse. I know there are so many out there dealing with much more than I am. I just don't feel like fighting, I don't feel like being cheerful, I don't feel like being hopeful.
Okay, that's it. I'm not putting pressure on myself to do anything, to go anywhere, to feel any sort of way. I feel what I feel and that's it. I think I need to create something today and I think I need that more than anything. Not sure what. Not necessarily a painting. I just want to make something. I need to put my hands to work.
Okay, that's it. I just talked, or rather wrote, myself out of this funk. I'm gonna make something. Maybe a pie for my SIL. Maybe I'll play with some collage. I don't know. I'm just gonna walk around the house until I decide what it's going to be. I'll let you know tomorrow.
Precious Lord, Jehovah Rapha,
You are so good to me. When I dig myself into a pit, You always provide a ladder to get me up out of it. I would be nothing, nowhere without You. I give You, Lord, all the praise, honor and glory for everything good in my life.
I'm grateful this morning for the home where I live, for the air I breathe, for the creativity you instilled in my soul and for the privilege of using that creativity to earn my living. I am truly blessed.
Father, I know that those others out there fighting this enemy experience the same downs that I do. I ask that You give them the same hope You give me, that same ability to go above those downs.
Thank You, Father, thank You.
In the precious name of Jesus Christ, the one true Messiah,
Amen\\\\\
Remember my nearly 20 year stint with the cotton farmer? I learned to rock a cap. I think you can too, dear child. Find a this-cap-is-not-on-my-head-to-hide-a-bad-hair-day....but a "I feel strongly about this issue" cap. Boy or girly girl in the cut, curl the visor or leave straight...these things do not matter. Keep the chin up, this too will pass (I know this to be a fact as the voices tell me so and I never ignore the voices)
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