Day 55 Meeting Oncologist Today

I have been up and down, mostly down, so much lately that I feel like a yoyo.  Sunday was my last good day.  Yesterday morning, I forced myself to walk then came back and slept most of the day.  I did get up long enough to wire two paintings and seal some 10x10's to ship.  Tired again today but this means shower and hair washing to go meet with the oncologist.  I better do that early so I can nap again before time to go.  Upside is that I'm totally off pain meds.  That's good. 

New friend, Griffa, sent me a beautiful leatherbound book of daily meditations titled Streams in the Desert.  Isn't it funny that God always seems to know what we need to be reminded of whenever we need it most.  This is what I needed this morning.

"Combat comes before victory.  If God has chosen special trials for you to endure, be assured  He has kept a very special place in His heart just for you."

I worry that I don't have the energy for combat.  I know.....I know, just two weeks out of major surgery.  Maybe I'm expecting too much.  But sometimes I feel like I'm going backward instead of forward.  I'll be so glad to see Dr. Mahmood tomorrow.  Maybe he can tell me more about what to expect.  Maybe I'm unreasonable and expecting too much of myself.  Hmmmm, expecting too much of myself.  That certainly isn't anything new.  Oh well, time to get over myself and stop the pity party.   Lots to do today, whether I feel like it or not.  Maybe getting out will make me feel better.  Maybe a new pair of shoes or cute top are in order.  There you go Jo, talk yourself out of this.  You can do it.   You can't kick cancer's butt sitting around moaning about how badly you feel.  Off your duff and get with it.  

Precious Lord,
You always know exactly what it is that I need.  Sometimes it comes from without and sometimes it comes from within.  Please forgive my pity party this morning.  There are so many out there who would happily change places with me because my situation is so much more hopeful than theirs.  I thank You for guiding me today, showing me how to energize myself rather than expecting someone or something else to do it for me.  I thank You for the energy  for combat so that I can have the victory that you have planned for me.  Bless each and everyone else out there with the same energy for combat until they're victorious over this hated enemy.
In Jesus' precious name I ask these things.
Amen